So I (28F) recently ended things with someone I was seeing (26F/NB — not out to everyone about gender identity or sexuality). We had really good chemistry and got along well, but early on, it became clear that they weren’t out to their family in any way.. not about being queer, not about dating at all, and definitely not about dating someone like me.

They were upfront about wanting to keep our relationship mostly private for now, maybe even long-term, depending on how things went with their family. I appreciated the honesty, but it also hurt to think that I’d basically have to be a secret if we stayed together. I’ve already gone through the stage of hiding who I am and who I love, and I’m not in a place where I want to go back to that. I want a relationship that can grow out loud, not one that has to stay in the shadows.

They weren’t asking me to lie or be someone else or anything.. just to keep things on the down-low. But that still didn’t sit right with me, so I ended it. Now some mutual friends are saying I wasn’t being supportive or understanding enough, and that it’s hard for everyone to come out, especially depending on their background.

I get that, and I do feel for them… but I also feel like I have the right to want a relationship that can exist in the open.

So… AITA for breaking up with them after grasping this situation for what it would be because I couldn’t handle being a secret?