Using a new account because I’m active in another sub (posting about my work). Jane (not real name) and me have been dating about 8 months, but I knew her through a friend much longer. I met her family last week at a wedding. Jane was wearing a necklace which she wears basically daily. It’s small with a round bit that has a star in it. I’ve asked her about it before and she just told me she had it a long time and it was special to her so she likes to keep it on. I guess I thought her parents bought it for her. At the wedding her sister said something like “Is your new bf ok with you wearing a necklace your ex got you”

I asked her later if her ex had given her the necklace. We’ve never really argued before. I didn’t raise my voice but I guess I didn’t look very happy about it. She said something like “I thought you weren’t one of those guys” and I was like “what guys” and she said “insecure and possessive” and after a bit of arguing I apologised (she said it wasn’t right for me to tell her what she could wear and obviously that’s true although I didn’t do that exactly, I just said it made me uncomfortable.) I suggested I could buy her a new necklace and she said no because she didn’t want to be made to feel like she had to forget about the 3 years she was with her ex. We were staying in her parents spare room and she went downstairs and was gone a while. When she came back she kissed me and apologised for arguing with me and so I did too and I thought everything was ok between us. Then I went downstairs to get a glass of water and her mum was in the kitchen. She was friendly to me and brought up the necklace thing, told me not to hold it against Jane because “everyone has a “one that got away” and Jane will probably always feel that way about her ex”

Yesterday, I picked her up and her flatmate was there and there was this awkward thing where the flatmate was like “lovely necklace jane” like she was being loud to make a point so I guess Jane told her about our argument. Was I in the wrong for saying I don’t like her wearing it? I didn’t demand she take it off I just said it made me uncomfortable. And honestly I’m worried about it after what her mum said

Edited to add backstory

I met Jane 6 years ago when she lived in a student house with a friend of mine. I didn’t go to university myself but my friend would invite me to stay with him so I got to know Jane a bit and we got on really well. Back then she was with the bf who gave the necklace, he was in medical school at another uni. One night out Jane kissed me (I know it was wrong) and we talked about liking each other but agreed she shouldn’t cheat on her bf. Every time I visited I obviously hoped she’d say she broke up with the guy but it didn’t happen. After my friend graduated in 2020 Jane and I didn’t keep in touch. Then last year my friend had an engagement party and Jane was there and single. We slept together then and have pretty much been together since.

Everything has been amazing but this necklace thing has made me wonder if I was imagining that she likes me as much as I like her? Like maybe I was blinded because I liked her so much back when I was 19/20 and I can’t believe I’m now actually with her. Because she mentions her ex and his job quite a lot. He’s now a doctor obviously. She told her flatmates that I’m “a type of architect” when I’m actually a carpenter and I did say to her afterwards why say that? and she said it sounded much better which made me feel a bit shit. She’s said before it’s funny to think how she’s working in a big fancy office and has big name clients (she’s a marketing assistant) and I’m just working in people’s homes or my dad’s workshop. My dad says I’ll inherit the business and I think I can scale it up to be really successful and earn well but obviously I’m no doctor like her ex.

Her parents were nice to me when we met but I have heard a few times from Jane that they were disappointed she and her ex split and everyone thought they would get married. He was the one that broke up with her about 2 years ago so I guess I just panicked thinking the necklace meant she still has feelings for him. And then after talking to her mum I’m even more worried. I guess the right thing is to just ask her instead of Reddit lol