I (19F) have a brother (23M) who is intellectually disabled. For privacy, I am going to be refer to him as "Sam." Recently, my dad told me that he is hiring someone to find Sam a girlfriend. I am quite concerned about this, but the main reason is risk of pregnancy.

For background, he was born with some type of intellectual disability, but I am not exactly sure what. I do know that he struggles with anger, reactive attatchment, and overall is unable to do many thing people his age can. Growing up, he was violent at home, but a good kid at school. He is extremely social and likeable, so he did very well socially in and out of school. When he graduated high school, my parents sent him to a college program for young adults with disabilities where he learned how life skills and gained work experience. Now, Sam lives in an apartment with a roommate and has a job. My parents hired someone to check on him for a few hours Monday-Friday. He is extremely responsible about his job where he watches kids in an afterschool program. He also receives money from the government for food each month.

Despite living a pretty normal life, he still struggles with a few things. As previously mentioned, he can get very angry and aggressive. When we were younger, I received the brunt of his anger. Now it is mostly just verbal stuff, but it used to be physical. His mood still escalates very quickly over small things. Another issue is that he doesn't keep himself super hygientic. He sometimes refuses to brush his teeth and only takes baths. His hair is often covered in glue (he likes arts and crafts) and he doesn't use deodorant. I think the biggest issue is that uable to manage money. My parents put his checks into a seperate account and give him spend money throughout the week. I guess what I am trying to say is that he is unable to care for himself.

This leads me to the current issue. I know that it might be wrong, but I really do not want him to have kids. I fear that his kid will not receive proper care or I might be responsible for them. I am aware that getting into a relationship doesn't automatically mean that he will have kids, but it makes that very possible. When I brought this up to my dad, he said that Sam will be taught about sex ed and protection. I just worry that Sam doesn't understand how serious the risks of unprotected sex are. I know many people who don't have a disability, know about the importance of safe sex, and still don't use protection. I am especially worried now just because there is a risk of access to abortions being taken away.

I feel like a bad person because I am basically wanting to deny him a romantic relationship, but I just don't think that he is able to properly consent to sex, let alone risk having children. I also worry about who his girlfriend could be. I think it would be weird if a girl without a disability wanted to date him just because he has the behaviors and mindset of a 12 year old. By the way, I don't say that to be rude, but rather that is how he really acts.

I have done some thinking and discussing with my other parent (they doesn't really have a say in this either) and I think some compromise is to not hire someone to find him a girlfriend, but also not take away his right to being in a relationship. Still, I am looking for other opinions.

Edit 1: I think I should mention a few things. I am not saying that disabled people shouldn't have kids, rather my brother shouldn't. He isn't usually physically violent towards other anymore, but still reacts badly when not getting what he wants. I think the last time was a year ago where he attacked my father and push our piano down the stairs. A recent example of his anger is when last week my parents refused to give him his spend money early and he proceeded to spam them with calls, trash his room, and leave threatning texts. Also, even when he was physically violent towards others, it was only at me and my parents. At school and in front of people who aren't immediate family, he is very well behaved and doesn't act out. I don't think I elaborated enough on my concern for his anger in my previous post. Also, he is not autistic which a couple of comments are suggesting. I also (and unfortunately) know that he is not asexual as he has stolen my parents credit cards to buy porn and pay for onlyfans accounts.