TL;DR: I’ve been driving my roommate and going out of my way to be thoughtful, but she’s been cold, entitled, and only acts normal when things benefit her. After being disrespected during my boyfriend’s visit, I’m done. AITA for not wanting to give her a ride anymore?

Context: I’ve been driving my roommate to class for the past 2–3 months because she doesn’t have a car. From the beginning, I’ve gone out of my way to be thoughtful—offering to share grocery orders, letting her know when I was doing laundry, even putting her dishes in the dishwasher. I bought the dishwasher pods we both use, and I always asked before using shared things like the washer or dishwasher. She, on the other hand, has never offered gas money, never reciprocated the thoughtfulness, and most of the time wouldn’t even say hi to me in our own apartment.

That’s kind of her general mindset=she keeps things transactional and surface-level until she needs something. She’s passive-aggressive, emotionally avoidant, and acts “fine” as long as everything goes her way. If not, she gets cold or starts playing victim. I’ve made every effort to maintain peace and open communication, but it’s always felt one-sided. She never checks in on me, never initiates conversation, and doesn’t seem to care about how her behavior affects people, as long as her comfort stays intact.

Things got worse when my boyfriend came to visit recently. I told her in advance, and he never left my room the whole weekend. We whispered the whole time , but she still made a passive-aggressive comment afterward and gave me the cold shoulder the entire time. It was clear she was irritated even though we did everything we could to be respectful. She didn’t say a single word to me while he was here. The tension that weekend even led to a fight with my boyfriend, who pointed out how much I’ve been bending over backwards for someone who clearly doesn’t appreciate or respect me. That made me realize how deep the pattern had gotten.

Since then, I’ve emotionally checked out. I no longer ask before using the dishwasher, I don’t tiptoe around her comfort anymore, and I’ve stopped putting in the extra energy. She clearly noticed—I know because we have to prop a chair in front of the dishwasher for it to close. And now that my boyfriend is gone and I’ve been quiet and accommodating again, she’s suddenly acting “normal” as if nothing ever happened. But on my end, I’m done. It’s not anger anymore—it’s detachment.

There’s a mandatory clinical session coming up next week. She hasn’t asked yet, but I’m almost certain she’ll assume I’ll drive her again like I always do. At this point, I really don’t want to. I feel like she’s taken advantage of my kindness, never acknowledged her behavior, and doesn’t deserve to rely on me anymore.

My mom thinks I should just drive her to avoid drama, but to me, that feels like going right back into the pattern I’m trying to break. AITA for not wanting to give her a ride and setting a boundary?