Yep, you read that right—fifth. My dad (57M) is getting married AGAIN, and I (33F) have officially hit my limit on showing up, smiling, and pretending we’re some happy, well-adjusted family.

Let me back up. My dad and mom divorced when I was 2½, and honestly, it felt like he divorced me too. Which started this very complicated and honestly painful relationship with my father. Growing up ALLLL I wanted was that father daughter “daddy’s girl” relationship, but he prioritized his job, parade of girlfriends, HS football coaching, motorcycle club, and every social event over, spending actual time with me & you know— being a dad. I even moved in with him as a kid thinking maybe, just maybe, I’d get more of his time or we’d get closer. Spoiler alert: I didn’t & was still treated like an afterthought.

During that time I told him during an open conversation, “You’re not the best dad, but you’re my dad,” he asked & I probably was hoping that would spark some sort of awareness. It didn’t. I was 9 and since it’s been years of one-sided communication and disappointment. So I stopped reaching out as much and only saw him on holidays, then stopped altogether when I was 20. I only reconnected after my stepdad encouraged me to from a very emotional conversation they had during a bike week event. That reconnection didn’t last long.

When I was in a domestic violence situation and later became a mom, he was kinda there—for a minute. Then he wasn’t. 2018 I started my therapy journey it was alotttt that I was unpacking and healing from.

During the absolute chaos of 2020, I reached out one last time asking for some literal groceries—not a kidney, not rent money, just food for my kid while I was working through a stressful move. We made plans. He bailed. Changed the date. Bailed again. Called while he was already at the store offered to SEND my list(pre-made), he got a call then vanished into the mist like a deadbeat Houdini. Until I ran into him at my grandma’s house. That was the last straw for me. I told him “You can’t keep doing this. You don’t get to half-ass fatherhood and expect me to pretend it’s fine.” I couldn’t keep being let down, not just for my sake but for my daughter’s. He agreed, said he could’ve just sent it (which had me irritated me) & that he’d send something, and of course—I never heard from him again. Except for a half-assed birthday text right before midnight.

Since then, he pops up randomly like a bad sequel. My daughter’s 6th birthday (he’s been to three of her birthdays and she’s almost ten), a family dinner I wasn’t warned he’d be at (and we awkwardly paid for our own food while he sat across from us pretending to “try”), and my grandma’s 75th. Claims he “wants to try,” but never follows through. He once even told me he missed me but couldn’t figure out why or how things became so distant. I suggested we talk and heal, but he just kept brushing it off or postponing it.

We had a brief TikTok Live moment where I talked about healing and trauma (aka, him), and he showed up in the comments with irrelevant nonsense like he didn’t know why I was hurt. Trying to justify or downplay things instead of listening. I was pregnant so still never talked but still, he’s sent some gifts for my baby shower, and did reach out during my hospital stay when I had complications last year. But again—no accountability, no real apology. Just surface-level gestures.

Then there’s the kicker—he always says, “Let me know what the kids need,” while refusing to actually be present in their lives. Christmas gifts don’t replace consistency, apologies, or accountability. And no, we’re not going to “talk later.” I’ve been waiting for “later” since I was 5.

Now he’s getting married for the fifth time. I’ve witnessed the infidelity and the drama that came with some of those marriages. I’ve shown up to his weddings, parties, family events, etc., for years. But this time? I just don’t want to. I’m tired of putting in energy, time, and even money to show up for someone who hasn’t really shown up for me or my kids. I don’t want to play the role of the happy daughter at his wedding when we haven’t even had a real conversation about our relationship.

I’ve told some family I wasn’t going, and now I’m torn. Some get it, while others say I should just “get over it” and “it’s not that deep.” But to me, it is. It’s years of hurt, abandonment, and emotional neglect. I’m working on healing and creating boundaries, and this is one of them. Compromise protecting my peace, or expecting me to dress up, play happy family, and celebrate the same man who’s failed me over and over again?

So, Reddit… AITA for not wanting to join the circus & go to my dad’s 5th wedding?

& if you’ve ever been in this situation or have some advice, I’m listening 👂🏽 RSVPS are due soon.