Okay, so this started like 2 months ago. My boyfriend (21M) has had this female friend of his since school; they basically got close during COVID. I have been dating him for 3 years. They used to meet like once a month or once in 2 months. I was completely okay with it as I knew nothing was going to happen. By the way, she’s also in a long-distance relationship for 2 or 3 years, I’m not sure. We’ve met like 3 times in the last 3.5 years. I’ve had no problem with her except one time. I have his account and she shared a funny reel with him in which a girl accidentally saw another girl’s boobs and he replied to her, "us when." We were 8 months into the relationship at that time. I never confronted him because I didn’t want him to know that I saw their chats. I don’t think I have moved on from that yet, but anyway, moving forward:

She didn’t use to smoke or drink, but she recently started. When my boyfriend got to know, they started hanging out very often and smoking weed together. Like whenever they meet, they smoke together. He told me if they weren’t smoking, they wouldn’t have been meeting like this. Before March 2025, the last time they met was, I guess, in June 2024. But since March, they’ve been meeting 2 or 3 times a week. Even me and my boyfriend don’t meet that much. The only source of communication for us is calling. We don’t talk that much on text because we don’t have time. And whenever he meets her, we don’t get to call because he gets too high, so we don’t get to talk for the whole day.

One time he was with her, he didn’t even have money for food. He called me 3 times to take money from me. Anyways, they’ve been going to cafes like 60 km far just to try out new food after smoking weed. But when I used to recommend cafes for us to go that were like 40 km far, he used to say, "I don’t wanna drive that far." But he’s okay driving for her.

I told him that I want us to have a shopping date. It’s been years since we had those, so whenever he wants to buy new clothes, let’s go together. But instead, he took her with him. And he totally bought those clothes that are not his vibe — those clothes are her vibe.

We used to sit on the same side of the table at the restaurant at the start of the relationship, but now we sit on opposite sides because he says we won’t be able to see each other. But I want to sit on the same side so that we can be a little bit close together. The other day he sent a photo where they were eating and sitting on the same side, very close together.

Coming to being close on social media, I have his Instagram account. Whenever he opens Insta, he replies to her reels. He replies to my reels 2 or 3 days later, but to her in 2 or 3 hours. He shares more reels with her than me. She’s the first one in his recommendation and I am the second one. A few days ago, he shared a reel with her in which there was a slim girl putting on a chain-belt kind of thing on her waist. He shared that with her and said, "try this." He didn’t share it with me, even though we have the same body type.

Two days ago, I saw his like on a reel that said, "Stop thinking you need a relationship to be happy, sometimes you just need your mates and some drugs." When I asked him about it, he said, "I liked it because it was funny. Don’t control me, I can like whatever I want if I think it’s funny." He told me it was not relatable to him.

Also, he updates her regularly about what’s going on with him. Even when we are together, he texts her constantly giving her updates and stuff.

Today, he was showing me something on his phone and I saw a photo of her wearing his specs.

How I feel about this whole situation? I don’t know. Maybe I am overthinking. But I am not used to him being this close with any other female except me since the last 3.5 years. As a matter of fact, I have never dated anyone who’s had a female friend this close. I know that he will not cheat on me for sure, but I feel I am a bit uncomfortable about this whole thing. I think it would’ve been fine if they were this close since the beginning, but since it’s all of a sudden, I think it is a little weird.

I am not planning to tell him about how I feel because he’ll again think I am trying to control him or that I don’t want him to be friends with her. That is certainly not the case at all.