Hi Reddit. I (39NB, born male) am in a really messed-up family situation and need an outside perspective.

My father passed away a year and a half ago from a heart attack. My mother died in 2016 from 3 cancers. Since then, my oldest sister has become increasingly manipulative, violent, and emotionally abusive — especially when it comes to our family home. She's been trying to get full control of it, no matter what.

This isn’t new behavior. My middle sister and I suspect she has a mix of narcissistic, borderline, and compulsive lying tendencies. In the past, this has led to adult tantrums, "accidents" when she’s upset, and violent episodes like: one of her exes was even stabbed or she had crashed cars whenever one of their boyfriends end the relationship. It’s been years of chaos.

I’ve been in therapy for over 11 years and have spent most of my life dealing with bullying — both from society (I'm from Mexico, where gender roles are deeply ingrained), and from my family. My father never accepted that I have both feminine and masculine energy. His solution? Beat it out of me. Belts, cables, fists — you name it. Meanwhile, my sisters were spoiled with designer clothes while I got hand-me-downs, as some sort of twisted “lesson.”

When my father died, all the lies my older sister had told the rest of the family — like how she alone took care of our mother and father — started to unravel. Truth is, all three of us were involved in their care. Ironically, my sister was estranged from my mom for most of her adult life and with my father was on and off — they only spoke again the week my mom passed.

In the last year of my dad’s life, my older sister developed an unsettling relationship with him. She started sleeping in his bed, calling herself by our mom’s name (we all have two names; she started using her "mom-name" after my mother died), and acting like she was his replacement. Honestly, it felt less like self-discovery and more like identity replacement.

She also started hoarding things in his room — kitchenware, decorations, documents. And when he passed, not even an hour later, I found her handing our neighbor the folder with the deed, and giving his bank cards to her best friend. She was already emptying the house.

Now she is sleeping on the bed where my parents and apparently two other pets died.

I confronted everyone after the funeral. We recovered the portfolio, which — surprise — included the will. It states everything should be split equally between the three of us. My middle sister and I were fine with that. She wasn’t.

She’s been trying to block the will from being enforced, claiming she was the only one who cared for my dad, and that he hated us. She even filed a case against us for family violence. The judge dismissed it, and even pointed out she had admitted to hitting me.

So here’s the thing: to move the legal process forward, I’ve been pushing her buttons — flipping lights, adjusting the fridge, closing windows — basically engaging in small power struggles that I know will set her off. Why? Because when she’s emotionally distracted by these petty fights, she drops the ball on the legal case. I know it sounds childish, but it’s been weirdly effective.

Also: remember my dad had diabetes and heart issues? On his last day alive, she fed him mango, watermelon, sweet bread, eggs, and coffee with evaporated milk, everything except his doctor suggested diet. We have pictures she sent the family bragging about "how well she cared for him."

She wasn’t worked in years, lived off my father's pension, and even used his money to support her boyfriend. It was a year before he died that she started to work again...

So… Reddit, AITA for pushing my sister’s emotions to get her off the case and allow us to close the inheritance trial? I know I’m not being totally ethical, but I’m exhausted and feel like this is the only way to get through this nightmare.