Posting this for a friend, its written in her perspective so “I” is her :)

Backstory: I (17F) have been with my boyfriend J (18M) for about 9 months. He has BPD and has told me I’m his “favorite person.” I love him, but his behavior can be overwhelming. He’s very dependent on me emotionally He expects(which I dont mind) to text for 3/4 of my day and gets upset if I’m not constantly available. I’ve tried to be there for him, but recently, due to school and personal stress, I’ve been giving him only about half that attention.

Here’s what happened today: My mom, who is literally my best friend and my whole world, got into a car accident. She’s had cancer before, and due to past trauma (I was once lied to and told she died), anything involving her health is very triggering for me, I burst into tears if I even think about her being dead or hurt, I know, childish of me. Yesterday was her four-year cancer-free anniversary, and today she’s in a hospital after a car crash. Naturally, I was devastated. I spent the day crying, overwhelmed with fear and grief. I sobbed my eyes out the whole time.

I messaged my boyfriend from the moment I woke up, telling him what I was doing throughout the day, even though he was sleeping until nearly 8 PM. When he finally responded, I got short replies like “cool.” Then out of nowhere, he said, “A, your disrespect is intolerable.” I was already falling apart, and now he was upset over something so vague and unexplained?

Turns out, he was referring to a reel my friend sent to my Instagram account(which he has the password to) It was a joke saying something like “me at my homegirls wedding after telling her to break up with him 20 times.” Yeah, not the nicest thing to see, but it was a funny little post and I didn’t even comment on it. But that became his focus. Not my mom. Not my panic.

I was so overwhelmed I told him I wanted to break up and that I couldn’t argue with him anymore. We had just had a huge argument the day before too. I needed space. I needed to breathe.

But then he started begging. Telling me I’m all he has. That he can’t live without me. That I’m his only motivation to keep going, especially with his finals coming up (he’s in med school). I felt guilty. In a group chat with my friends M (16F) and N (16M), M told me, “You need to break up with him. First it’s university, then it’ll be his job, then something else. You’ll never find the right time, as hes been unstable since forever.”

And I know she’s right.

But I also feel trapped. I don’t want to ruin his future. I don’t want to be the reason he fails or falls apart. I asked him to make me a promise blindly, just to trust me, but he wouldn’t until I told him what the promise was. When I did, he refused. He said, “No. I wouldn’t be able to live without you. You’re the only reason I’m trying.”

And all this while my mom was still in the hospital. Possibly dying.

I just wanted to mourn, to process, to breathe. But it all became about him. Again.

I ended up not breaking up, I just said that im sorry and he said he sensed that I wasnt gonna leave him, which is a good thing I guess

So, AITA for wanting to break up with my emotionally dependent boyfriend while going through something traumatic?