AITA for wanting to distance myself from my bff of 20 years? (Mistakenly put 30 in the title)

Long post alert!! My little sister unfortunately passed away at the young age of 16 due to a TBI (traumatic brain injury). This has absolutely crushed my family & me. My sister was everything to me, my baby - my mini best friend is what i called her. My best friend, who we will call Steph, has been there for EVERY important event in my life. We have been besties since elementary school and i never in a million years thought our friendship would ever end/fizzle out.

My sister passed a little over a year ago now and i am still upset/hurt over what Steph did. She was one of the first people i called when i got the news. She sat on the phone with me & let me cry, even though she did not cry with me (which is fine, but i thought maybe she would given that she had a relationship with my sister as well.. but whatever everyone handles death differently). Anywho, after we get off the phone she texts me 2 days later to check in & she lets me know her toddler has been in the hospital with a stomach bug & high fever, but would most likely released that day. I wished him well & that was it for a whole week. No call, no text, nothing. I would think that one of my closest friends would at least keep in contact and check in on me after one of the worst days of my life.

Fast forward to 7 days later. My parents make a last minute FB post letting friends/family know that the funeral would be the following day (another story as to why my parents chose to do this). I still heard nothing from my Steph, but was sure she’d show up. Nope never did. She did end up texting me however after the celebration of life was over with asking me when was the service. I was so upset i didn’t text her back until the next day letting her know it already happened. She said she’s sorry & would have came had she knew.

My issue here is i understand about her son being sick - but a whole week went by after that and i heard nothing from her. I’m literally grieving, barely want to talk to people. Her nor her family reached out or tried to show up to see about my family & me. They could have easily reached out to ask about services. It’s been almost 2 weeks since my sister’s passing so of course common sense would be services have been scheduled. I was very annoyed. I was very short with her in the coming weeks when she would reach out because i just needed space.

When i felt okay enough to talk about it, i called her and let her know my feelings. Told her that it hurt me to my core that not only did she not show up for the funeral, she didn’t come to my house to check on me, she didn’t call or text for a whole entire week, she didn’t send flowers or anything at all until AFTER the service. Her excuse was her baby being in the hospital and she thought i would’ve reached out to her about the services. But maam, no contact with me for a whole week and then thinking your grieving friend is going to reach out after you not making an effort to contact me for all that time? In comparison, my other best friend had 2 sick toddlers (one with covid) and not once did i have to reach out to her or ask anything of her. She called/text me daily and showed up to my parents house EVERY DAY that i was in town and even after that. Even drove 2.5 hours to pick me up from the airport! Hell, when i called & gave her the news she bawled with me otp and immediately stopped what she was doing and went to my parents house. Even was there before they took my sister’s body away. So i feel like Steph’s excuses were null & void to me. Like the old saying goes, “if they wanted to, they will.”

All that to say, I’ve talked about it with Steph twice now. She still stands by what she said - even cried to me saying she’s not just anybody and truly thought i would’ve reached out to tell her about the funeral. She did apologize and says she could’ve made more effort on her end. I told her i guess it was a misunderstanding bc i expected a different outcome. I do think she tried to make up for it by showing up at my parents unannounced with gifts and then sending me something as well a few weeks afterwards. I’ve tried to give myself time & space with the situation but i still just can’t seem to get over & am still hurt. It just makes me question where we stand in our friendship now. So aitah?