I (35F) and my husband (35M) had our daughter in December 2024 — she’s now 3 months old. Life has obviously been hectic (as it should be with a newborn), but we’re managing.

In our culture, there’s a naming and rice-eating ceremony usually done when the baby is between 5 to 7 months old. We’ve fixed a date for it, and since we live in a different city than both sets of parents, we planned to host the ceremony here.

Traveling to our hometown with a small baby, staying there for a month to arrange everything, and managing the cost (including airfares) just felt too much. Plus, my husband has limited leave. So, we planned a small ceremony here and expected both sets of parents to come for just a few days. We have a guest room, and while our city is different in lifestyle and food habits, we thought a few days wouldn’t be a big deal.

My in-laws agreed to come. But my parents refused. They say they’re not physically fit for the 3-hour flight, and my father has some anxiety issues that worsen when he's in new places. We were disappointed, but accepted it.

Now, the problem: they want to send an expensive gift through my in-laws instead. We politely refused. We told them we’d prefer they give the gift in person when we visit them — maybe next year. For us, the blessing and presence were more important than the gift.

But now, they’re repeatedly calling me and my MIL, pushing to send the gift anyway. It feels like they just want to tell relatives, “We’ve done our part” — and that it’s more about social optics than genuinely wanting to bless their granddaughter. We're not comfortable turning this into a performance, and my husband agrees.

Now it’s a whole family drama — my parents are hurt, some extended family members think we’re being cold, and we’re being called ungrateful.

So… AITA for refusing a gift from my parents for my daughter because they chose not to attend the ceremony and we feel their gesture is just for show?

Would you like help crossposting it on Reddit or tweaking it for tone?