I usually don't use this board but, honestly, this whole situation has been the most baffling shit I've experienced in a while. Old throwaway account because, well, privacy reasons.

So this Saturday I (33n) get a random late night Instagram message from a friend (33n) freaking out because their new apartment got fleas, explaining the mysterious bites I got a week prior while helping them move into their new place. They were pretty apologetic, embarrassed, and scared because of a phobia of blood sucking bugs they have (something I hadn't heard they have before that point). They also are disabled, exhausted as hell (in PEM), AND already stuck having to clean their old rental house (their 27m ex won't - he's busy with 2 jobs and concert hopping ).

Regardless, I've dealt with fleas and already got shit on hand to handle this. I immediately got to work helping, proposing I use a pesticide I have on hand (Bifenthrin Concentrate), a steamer a friend offered them, and knew I could create the DIY flea/bug repellant (cedarwood and rosemary) we could all use in the interim before I steam the carpets and bug bomb the place. I have my own disabilities, and am struggling with an episode of anemia currently, but I knew handling this was no problem for me - I just needed rest and for them to get their 2 cats outta the way. We talk for about an hour or so after, with me giving them advice on how to calm down, center themselves, and deal with the phobia based anxiety/paranoia because they were starting to panic and catastrophize everything. Been there - literally just this week actually when a roach crawled on my arm - so I get it 100%. It doesn't help that, in this convo, they say they found a small roach just on their glasses: so we're possibly dealing with two different infestations. Not great, roaches are MY phobia, but I'm a trooper. I gave my word and I'm not taking it back.

Not yet, at least.

A few hours later, at 8 am, they start sending me back to back voice messages of what's going on with their cats at their emergency vet meeting for flea pills and are pretty much catastrophizing every minor inconvenience. I'm groggy as fuck, I'm NOT a morning person, and overall explain I don't understand what the problem is at all especially since they were all resolved - even if they were inconvenient in the moment. I think this irritated them, where they told me to go back to sleep. I shrug it off and do.

At 2pm, about 2 hours before show time on my end, I wake up and send them a message asking if their friend (32f) brought the steamer. Except...it seems like things have devolved somehow??? Their friend, who refuses to go to their flea infested apartment, decided they'll at least help with cleaning their old house - but decided not to bring the steamer because, apparently, they were waiting for me. That didn't make a lick of sense to me: their friend was just supposed to drop off the steamer and leave 1-2 hours before I arrived and they planned to help long before I even entered the picture hours before. Now they didn't bring it and somehow that's on me??? Make it make sense.

So I tell them I don't understand what's up here, not understanding why they are cleaning their old rental house while struggling with limited energy, and said I don't understand what their friend's problems and what not is either. I insist they just have to bring the steamer, they don't need to come to the apartment or even their house. They seem to be freaking out again, leaning on me for every decision and emotionally disregulated, and it's genuinely agitating me at this point after hours of it. So I tell them they have to calm down and stop freaking out, to use their coping skills and stuff I suggested earlier, because it's impacting our ability to even address this situation. I can't exactly decide all this for them, hell I never even met the friend they had over or knew they were planning to visit until this crap with the fleas, so I tell them they are just leaning too much on me emotionally when I pretty much got everything handled. I just need them to bring the steamer and get their cats outta the way. That's it.

My friend then tells me to not tell them to calm down because it's invalidating, that they don't think they are leaning on me emotionally at all, and that they just can't move their cats to their old place because they are too stressed/scared to endure that. To make matters worse, they want to use salt primarily to kill the fleas and insist they can use the steamer with their cats in the house.

If you don't know, you do NOT want to use a carpet steamer to kill fleas around ANYONE if possible: the steamer needs to be at a VERY high temperature to kill the eggs and fleas by burning them alive. It WILL burn people if they touch the steam or even the carpet immediately after application.

So I try to explain this to them, explain that the pesticide at safe diluted concentration and dried is pet safe and works far quicker. But when they declined using the pesticide, didn't want to take my advice on the steamer, and insisted on using salt as their primary pesticide, that's when I decided I just can't help with this directly. There's no way what they are using/doing will be as effective, meaning it could open my house to a flea (and potential roach) infestation if I visit. But I did offer them the option of picking up all my supplies on hand at my house though, including my more hardy vacuum. Finally, I explained the steps needed to get rid of the fleas and eggs, since they still seemed confused, and emphasized AGAIN that I could handle the steaming and pesticide process to knock this out in no time flat if they wanted.

Suddenly, they cut me off, saying they needed space, that they've handled flea infestations before, and are clearly pissed off. I say "Okay, gotcha!" and it's clear they are icing me out. Except...I really don't understand why and this whole situation just seems BIZARRE.

So: AITA? Did I miss something or...?