So ... I have 4 kids. 3 boys and a girl.
My oldest boy has always been a little on the spectrum. He was tested and was diagnosed as not being Autistic but had some behaviours which were similar. He has never been good at school, he was either average to below average. However, I have always accepted he had challenges.
Role on to now, he is approaching his mid-twenties. For the past 5 years he has done some study but really it has been minimal. He has achieved some certificates a technical college. For the last year to two years he has not worked. He has been almost 24/7 in his room gaming. He has some responsibilities around the house (very minimal) and he rarely does them or if he does he does it to a terrible standard. His hygiene is poor.
Now none of my kids pay rent. I have always believed it is their home and don't want them to feel they can't come home in the future. My daughter is amazing, voluntarily pays rent and helps around the house. Two of my sons are also active around the house and either work, study or both.
Tonight I blew a gasket. My wife babies my oldest boy, she does his chores when he doesnt and I cop the attitude. I argue with her saying she should make the boy do his housework and not just give in. Whatever I say I may as well talk to a wall. I am concerned that my other children with be burdened with my oldest, and I feel this is unfair to them. I also of course worry about my oldest boy and his quality of life in the future.
Tonight my wife said that my oldest was upset with my comments to him about work around the house and getting a job. And believe me, my comments are tame but to the point. I now told my wife after all I have done for my kids I feel disrespected and will no longer speak to my oldest boy. I know it sounds extreme but I feel angry and let down, both by him and my wife. So AITA?