My husband has a 14 year old son who was given up for adoption at birth. My husband and his ex were 18 and did not feel ready to parent so they chose to let him be raised by people who wanted him desperately. They have an open adoption. They visit about once a year and do regular video calls with their birth son. This has always been a source of joy for their birth son from what I have seen.

My husband was upfront about all of this from the start. He never hid anything and the contact has been consistent our whole relationship.

So here's the thing. I have met his birth son once. It was before we got married and I knew he did not like me. The whole meeting was awkward and the time we spent together was awkward. His parents had to correct him a couple of times for being rude. I did not visit with my husband the next two times he went. My husband's ex is also married now and her husband had a similar experience with our spouses birth son.

My husband's ex and her husband had a baby almost 2 years ago. My husband and I had ours 5 months ago. Their birth son did not appear very happy to hear his birth parents were having more kids. He has siblings he's growing up with so he's not an only child and never was. But I know my husband and his ex are hoping their birth son will see the babies as the half siblings that they technically are. Especially when he has such a good relationship with them.

Ex's husband has picked up on the same vibe as me that it's not happening and that their birth son during video calls is only really happy to see/talk to his birth parents and not us or the babies. And we get this. But we've had a lot of similar experiences here. We're not really anything to this kid but the people his birth parents married and had more kids with. Ex's husband said there is some hostility our spouses birth son has toward us or him, but he believes us. And he told me he was left on a video call for a couple of minutes when his wife was tending to their child and the teen glared at him and was mumbling under his breath.

He told me his wife appeared surprised. I also spoke to my husband about my feelings and he was surprised and concerned. So now both my husband and his ex have decided we should all visit their birth son together this summer and spend several days together. They feel like it should help him get to know us better and get to meet his biological half siblings.

I put my foot down and refused to go. I told my husband he should accept where his birth son is at and right now accepting me and his ex's husband is not something he appears willing to do. I said going out there with him could make this kid feel even more animosity toward us for interfering on the time with them when we all know he loves seeing them.

My husband said I need to be there and we need all this to work. He said not going will send a message that I don't care. AITA?