Just a bit of context. I am spanish and live in a small town in rural Norway. People here are much colder than in Spain, and working in the tourism industry, you meet mostly other foreigners that are here just for the season (summer - cruise ships, winter - skiing). It is difficult to socialize with locals, but the rest of the people is mostly a floating population of people that come and go, and after a while you get tired of new people all the time. Most of my really good friends have left, though I still have a few left.

There is this girl in town from another spanish speaking country, lets call her Lola. Lola and I became friends 8 years ago. She has two kids with her norwegian partner, who she has had many problems with. We connected by being able to speak our mother tongue together, and venting out our eventual frustrations because of the difference from our very social cultures to the closed norwegian one. For me, she was my best friend and like a sister in this small town in a foreign country.

Lola tried to separate from her partner twice, and went back with him twice. In one of her attempts, like 4 years ago, she asked me to move in with me (i rent rooms in my house). For the sake of our friendship, I said no: even if i love her kids, they are wild and have no sense of discipline. My house is far from child proof and I would not want to child proof it. I love plants, pots, glass art, clean and tidy. Her kids are incompatible with everything that makes ny house feel like my home. And unable to learn to respect other peoples places and things because their mom wont care to teach them. Lola is messy, untidy, and brushed off every time I explained that I need tidy to feel at peace. She is also a rebel without a cause and struggles to accept and follow rules. So I though it was best to not live together.

She was mad at me for a while. Its not that she didn’t have a place to go, she found a place for herself shortly after. But she said i failed her as a friend. I believe (and told her) that i saved our friendship because I would have absolutely hated living together with her and the kids, they would have trashed my place and we would have argued a lot. I still helped her moving out (and then later back in) from her partner, and listened to her and gave advice in her situation.

Fast forward to a year ago, I was having a very bad year. My boyfriend met someone else and fell in love. I appreciated the honesty but I was very sad for a long time. I was also having trouble at work with my boss. And my 12 yo dog was diagnosed a terminal cancer and was dying before my eyes. In the last month before my dogs death, I tried to meet Lola many times, but she always had other plans with other people, or was late for our appointments and then ended up cancelling because it was too late and she had to put the kids to bed.

I saw her for half an hour, twice in one month. I tried many times, she was always busy. She said she would call back, and then didn’t. The day before I put my dog to sleep I tried calling her again. Again she said she couldn’t talk and would call back. Again she forgot. Again she had other plans. I also found out she had done a bbq at her place the evening before with common friends, and didn’t invite me (I would have appreciated the distraction). After a breakup and not having kids, my dog was my main company and just walking her in the forest was my only reason to get out of bed some days.

I wrote Lola telling her that I needed her, that she knew my dog meant everything to me and I needed her by my side when facing the reality that she was dying. I said I was quite disappointed that she didn’t include me in her plans or made time for me, and almost felt like she was avoiding me when this rough moment in my life was getting close, added to everything else I already had on my plate.

She answered that she was not obliged to invite me to nothing, that she had more friends and was not responsible for my expectations.

I didn’t answer. The next day I had to put my dog to sleep, and I had to be there alone for it. Never felt more abandoned in my life. It was a double grief and I felt like I lost my two best friends at the same time.

I went back to Spain for a while, to get some love and support from my family and close friends. I needed some healing. Lola wrote me a month later just saying «When are you back? I want to talk». I didn’t answer. When I came back to town someone must have told her, and she called. I didn’t answer. A few months later she wrote saying that she would like to be my friend again, I didn’t answer. To be clear, her messages were very short and she never apologized. I never talked to her again.

I am still more heartbroken by her cruelty and abandonment, than the death of my dog, which at the end was a natural thing to happen.

Last week I saw Lola in an event. I was dancing and having fun with friends, and ignored her as long as I could. Until she came up to me with a big smile in her face and tried to hug me. It was just an instinct but I crossed my arms in front of my chest and pushed her away. She got pissed and left.

It was not my intention to be so rude, many people saw it. But I couldn’t just be fake and receive a hug that I totally didn’t want to be part of.

So yeah, AITA for never answering Lola again and rejecting her in public?