I'm 32, my husband is 34. We have a son who is a year old. I wouldn't describe him as a super hands-on, engaged or helpful dad - he does love our son, but he has been playing a fun relative role to our son. He is a high-functioning alcoholic who uses alcohol as a coping mechanism and refuses to go to therapy or quit drinking. His alcholism ebbs and flows - some years it's ok, some years were really bad and we almost broke up multiple times.

I used to have a 200k/year job before I got laid off a few months into maternity leave. I'm currently a SAHM with plans to start my own business. We're extremely lucky to have a babysitter that comes 4 hours a day to help with the baby. But other than those 5 hours, I handle all the day-to-day things needed for our lives to function - everything related to the baby, cleaning, all chores, taking care of the cats, laundry, etc. I think my husband expects me to take care of it all so he can focus purely on work and have a good night's sleep. I feel like I cannot complain about anything because he'll tell me how privileged I am to have childcare help and that he doesn't know what I do all day when I have help. Our son is a really bad sleeper, so I'm sleep-deprived most days and I use the time when the babysitter is here to catch up on sleep (I always feel super guilty doing this). We haven't really been as close to each other or intimate since our son was born. He has voiced his concerns about needing more attention from me but honestly, I haven't felt my libido return as I'm still breastfeeding and feel exhausted 99% of the time. I prefer to catch up on sleep with any spare time that I have. I think this will change once I stop breastfeeding and feel more normal again.

He's currently the breadwinner and claims that he is supportive of my plans to open a business. Lately, he got to know a group of new friends and they aren't the best influence. What started out as casual hangs turned into him staying out till 3-6am two or three nights a week. He will ignore my calls/text 50% most of the time past 2am, making me worry all night. He claims that it's just a bunch of guys hanging out and drinking and that it's the most innocent thing ever. I think he is telling the truth, however I don't know these people and they could be anyone doing anything. When I confronted him about this, saying that 3-6am is way too late, especially when you have a family to think about now. I really don't want my son and future child to grow up thinking that binge-drinking 3-4 nights a week, coming home drunk and picking fights / yelling insults to your partner is something to emulate. He has never been violent physically but has definitely slammed doors before intentionally. I take care of the baby 100% of the time at night anyway, but it just feels so much worse knowing that your partner is out binging and hanging out with randos instead of trying to help or being a responsible dad. I think that he thinks that since he provides for us financially 100% right now, he can do whatever he wants since he "deserves it" and has fulfilled the role of a husband and father.

Whenever he comes home drunk, I get really angry since this bad cycle has been going on for months with no improvement. We end up fighting and escalating things/yelling insults at each other, and the cycle continues. I threaten to leave and he gets even madder, saying that I've pushed his limits too far. I only do this because I've tried so many softer ways to communicate to him but nothing has worked so far. I have tried my best to suggest therapy (both individual and marriage) and for him to change for the better and consider the kind of role model he should be for his son's sake, but to no avail. He refuses to go to therapy or work on the relationship, claiming that everything is my fault for not giving the things he asked for (more intimacy, more attention, more love). He thinks that this binge-drinking rollercoaster is acceptable since he's a high-functioning alcoholic and he's doing fine at work. It's been 5 months now of this 3-4 night a week staying out late. I'm really tired of this. I already feel like a single parent, but leaving a long-term relationship is so hard. I also see his frustration at not getting more attention from me - I honestly want to be more romantic and intimate with him, but this behavior is really a huge-turn off as I feel that my son and I are not a priority. My own father thinks he is a bit childish.

AITAH? Can alcoholics really change their ways without a serious intervention, or should I just leave for me and my son's sake?