Mom had five children (M35, F33, F28 [me], F23, and F20), and all but me came in pairs between three different marriages. Mom lives out in the boonies, which definitely affected our childhood and standard of living later on. Before mom moved after marrying her now husband of almost 25 years, she always lived in suburban areas. Typical Susie Homemaker. Decor for every season, arts and crafts, but it was all organized. After a big flood in the basement, a flip switched. Carpet had to be torn out, most of which was never replaced, a bathroom to remodel became a storage for cleaning supplies and junk, and it just kept adding on.

She's about a level 4.5/5 hoarder as of right now, but now she's expanding the hoard to mine and my older sister's houses as she also has an online shopping addiction. And not to quality stuff. Woman is HOOKED on Temu and other fast-fashion outlets, and unfortunately, my sister and I have been in the crosshairs as mom tries to disguise addiction as generosity for our daughters (I just became a mom a little over three weeks ago). Recently, she dropped off two HUGE tote bags of Temu clothes for my daughter that made me sweat just looking at them because they didn't feel breathable at all. She kept messaging me about them, and I've ignored her messages because I didn't want to lie about it and also didn't want to start a fire, so she asked my husband about it at work, and he briefly lost his filter. "What clothes? Oh, the Temu clothes? We're worried about the breathability of them." So then, she messaged me about them, saying if I'm that worried, she can take them off my hands (and do what after that, exactly?). She also told my husband that there's enough clothes that we won't have to do laundry for months (??? Okay, that sounds great in theory, but the nursery didn't need converting into a department store?? Also, you're admitting that these clothes are disposable, so there should be no objection to me throwing this bundle of AI-generated, screen-printed monstrosities away). She also got defensive with him about it, "Oh, tell me you guys won't be those parents, so serious about everything..." You mean the kind of parents who don't want to have to change outfits every few hours because the baby is sweating her brains out? The kind of parents who won't make use of fast-fashion because the ethics behind them are abhorrent? The kind of parents who won't be putting our kids in clothes laced with lead and other toxic substances? Yes, we are those parents.

She's also a raging narcissist, so any sort of attempt at reasoning always comes across as a personal attack. And the sucky thing is that while she tries to spin it as gratuity, I see it for what it is—an outlet for her addiction, as well as social posturing, brownie points, and it's purely transactional. In other words, she's wanting me to kiss her feet. I purged a bunch of my angel figurine dust collectors many years ago, and she threatened to cut me out of the will for it, to give perspective about how bad she is with narcissism and hoarding.

As most people know, being a hoarding/narcissist survivor means you either break the chains for yourself, or you continue the cycle. I've chosen a long time ago to break the chains, and mom thinks I'm a snob because of it. Always firing at me whenever the subject rears its ugly head, "I know my house puts you on-edge" and "You just think you're better than me." It gets old, it's exhausting, and my newborn daughter is not allowed at Grandma's house with scurrying/dead mice in the basement (she had another flood last summer, probably still some standing water down there, and there have been mice getting in). And she's going to hate that, but Christ almighty, that is a rancid environment for anyone, especially a baby. And I won't stand for her disturbing my peace by attempting to extend her hoard into my home.

It's not that we're not grateful, we're discerning. Our house is tiny, all 1,125 sq ft of it. We don't have room for this plethora of stuff, especially if it could hurt our child. I ended up going to TJMaxx and Ross to get some clothes I knew I could trust more than what Mom gave me, and not nearly as much stuff. Enough to have a variety of outfits for the week, yet not overwhelm the laundry facilities. A few days ago, I convened with my sister. She told me that mom griped to her about what an ungrateful hag I am (shocker), but thankfully, my sister is on my side and doesn't think I'm overreacting. We have no solutions other than to throw further "generosity" in the trash, because there is no success in reasoning with mommy dearest. So, AITAH for refusing gifts from Temu? I know ITAH to myself for letting her live in my head rent free.