I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, last year he started a new job and it’s been nothing but drama since. His boss cheated on his wife, so naturally she needed support that myself and my partner gave to her. Since then, she’s gone off the rails a bit and got with my engaged brother, plus people that my partner and her husband work with. Last month my partner and I had an argument and I’d confided in her about it, she told me her husband was away that weekend and to send my fiancé to go stay with her. This made me uncomfortable. Fast forward to last week, she called my partner in the middle of the night asking him to go over because her dog was dying. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with one on one contact, especially in the night, but he’d agreed the next day to be there as she buried her dog. I sent her a message saying that she could have called me and all of this was making me feel a bit icky. There was no ‘I didn’t realise it looked bad’, just a lot of gaslighting and making me responsible for her emotions (‘it’s one thing after another’, ‘it’s bad enough my husband cheated on me without you accusing me’ etc). There’s loads of other stuff like each others stuff showing up in the others car, disappearing on a night out etc. Have I done the right thing by speaking to them both about it?

EDIT: she helps out at the workplace too and we all became friends, used to go for dinner and trips away together.