Full disclosure, I’m not perfect and realize no one is perfect. This whole thing started when I accidentally texted a funny meme to my husbands family chat instead of my husband. (MORTIFIED!!! It was a topic you don’t bring up with families and included slightly political and religious things) And their responses triggered some rage in me. I then got venting with my teenage niece. Yes I am totally in the wrong for venting with a teenager. She married into the family with her mom and has the same issues I do.

I was told that another one of my nieces who is 14 was sexually active with a 19 year old, and me being the caring aunt I am wanted to find out if that was true. Because HELL no. So I asked a different niece who I thought would know, instead of the niece directly. Well… I forget how gossipy teenagers are, and how they quickly information spreads. So all of my venting and asking about how old my niece was got back to that family, and all hell broke loose. The 14 year old came at me saying it’s not my business and I’m the immature one and I have no right talking about her and her boyfriend. And that it wasn’t ok for me to ask a 12 year old her age because she’s just a kid and shouldn’t be involved (ok that’s 2 years younger than you but I hear you…). Then the dad goes on a rant about his whole life story and his view on gay people and how he’s not actually homophobic, and that he really loves guns, being super passive aggressive in talking to me but not directly. Every person in the family got offended by me in one way or another. Here’s the kicker. These are just some of the things I’ve dealt with as an in law that caused my frustrations to begin with:

-enabling a drug addict to do drugs (am I allowed to say what kind? Just know she needed a needle and that they are the drugs that kill.) that person has done drugs while my kids have been in their house.

-that same drug addict child has two kids, and my in laws allowed them to have alcohol underage more than once, with my kids there. And they laugh when I get upset at this stuff.

-they genuinely have never tried to engage me in conversation. It is painfully awkward and I have never felt welcome. Truthfully I’m embarrassed by them and their behavior. It’s been over 10 years at this point!!! I have gone to almost every family function and toughed it out and tried to engage with them. They usually respond with one word and kill the conversation. It is soooo uncomfortable.

-the same niece that freaked out at me has come to my house and said super inappropriate things and her and her siblings say racist and homophobic things every time they come over.

-my husbands dad had a heart attack last year and continues to smoke and his wife is now smoking even MORE and blames the stress. This pisses me off so much. She also got her drug addict daughter to buy pain pills from her addict friends.

-none of them are educated, only half the kids finished high school, and my husband works with his dad everyday. This is fine, except his family doesn’t talk. They tell. Yelling is talking to them. And everyday when my husband comes home he’s in a mood. I think it’s just from being around that environment and grumpy people. But he won’t change. And thinks he owes it to his dad. That’s great! But also, is it what he wants? Is he actually happy? I have no idea.

I own my own business and love it! I went to school to be a psychologist originally but love the creative field. I want to be a good mom to our kids and set a good example. I love ambition and adventure. I grew up religious but left, and my parents also have boundaries and need to respect how I’m raising my kids. But at the end of the day, I love people and love going the extra mile and being kind. I want people to feel like they matter. Of course I’m not perfect. My husbands family is the only family I’ve seen who are like this. So much attitude, constant yelling, no conversation skills, etc. They have great qualities too. But the bad ones are so present that it takes away from all the good. I have hosted so many sleepovers, taken the nieces to concerts, and tried to be supportive.

After everyone losing their shit on me yesterday, I’m done. I am separating myself from them. I tried so hard and they will always be the same. They will never put the effort in. They will never communicate. They will never talk in a reasonable tone. They will continue to be offended when I set boundaries. All the women in-laws have left the family or stopped coming around, except for me. I have tried SO hard. I am finally to the point where I’m not going to put myself through those situations. I deserve better. Every situation I put myself in I build more resentment and my husband doesn’t deserve that. So I have set some boundaries and now everyone is mad and offended, including my husband.

AITA?

Tldr: I am separating myself from my in laws and setting up strong boundaries and everyone is mad.