my (f23) brother (m17) has been getting in a lot of arguments with my mam for the past year but as he approaches 18 they’ve gotten a lot worse. just not even five minutes ago they started screaming at each other because she told him if he won’t contribute towards the house she will turn the electric sockets off in his room. for context he gets around 150-200 euro a week and pays 35 euro towards the house (sometimes - mostly he just doesn’t pay or pays half), the rest he spends on vapes and clothes and food. he started screaming at her about how she’s trying to control him and how she’s a piece of *hit because she didn’t put his money into savings and instead spent it on groceries and bills like she said she would. he also said that she loves playing the manipulative victim because she said sorry to me for shouting (they were both in my room when they started arguing). the reason why i’m not sure if I’m the asshole is because our upbringing wasn’t perfect and i think he’s still very angry about that. his dad was very abusive to us all, and other than that it was pretty common to slap/spank your children when we were growing up which she has apologised for but he didn’t accept because he said it was “forced” (i.e. he asked her to apologise for it). she also at times did the classic “oh you criticised me? i guess im just the worst mam ever and Ill never speak again” which shes gotten much better at and doesnt really do anymore, shes actually more open to speaking about how she raised us and how she couldve improved. i openly admitted to both of them that she wasn’t a perfect parent and that she was emotionally immature at times, but that he still had responsibility over his actions, and he told me i was making excuses for her. imo shes apologised for these things and doesnt act that way anymore so I’m okay with moving forward, which i know is different for him, and i dont expect him to do all of his healing overnight. the reason why i didn’t side with him really is because i don’t think it’s financially abusive to expect somebody to contribute to the house they live in, even if they’re underage. he’s 18 in less than 3 months. he also purposefully acts in ways he knows will anger her just to see her get angry so he can basically call her a bad parent, so i think its unfair to say everything is her fault when he goes out of his way to say terrible things that will upset her. so aita for not siding with him? is it mean to expect a teenager to contribute to the house? idk what to do at all in this situation :(