Every year, my family invites me to spend the various holidays with them, and every year I go, but I hate it.

My mom keeps inviting people who make me deeply uncomfortable. I’m not talking about mild awkwardness—I mean people whose views or behavior are harmful, dismissive, or just emotionally exhausting. Every time I try to talk about it, which has been at least 10 times, I’m met with “it’s the holidays” or “just ignore them.” Meanwhile, I’m the one who ends up anxious, upset, or spiraling for days after.

When I said that I wouldn't be going in the future if they're invited, I was clear: I want to be there, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. My mom responded with guilt—how disappointed she was, how I was ruining the family vibe. My sibling told me I was being “obsessed with anger” and needed to “let it go.” But no one seems to care that I’ve bent over backward for years to make everyone else comfortable. I’ve stayed quiet, swallowed feelings, played nice—for what?

The truth is, I’d show up in a heartbeat if I felt like the guest list respected me, too. But it doesn’t. And the minute I draw a boundary, I’m the problem.

Also, my dad is sick, possibly life-threatening.

So—AITA for skipping the holidays even though I’d honestly like to go?