I (21F) live with my mom (51F) and my baby (8-month-old son, Zane). This afternoon, she said she was going to make Chilean donuts, which she doesn’t do often, so I was looking forward to it.

While she was getting started, I went downstairs with Zane to FaceTime a friend for a bit. We were down there maybe 30–40 minutes — Zane was chilling in my lap, playing and smiling — and after a while I came back upstairs to check on my mom and the donut situation.

She was on the phone with my aunt, and I gently put Zane down in his little exersaucer so I could help or at least be in the kitchen with her. And immediately, she starts talking about me on the phone, while I’m literally right there. Saying things like, “I’m telling Isabella not to leave him in that thing too long, he doesn’t like it,” and “How am I supposed to hold him while frying?” Like I didn’t already plan on picking him up after a minute.

Then my aunt must’ve said something about it, because my mom goes, “Yeah, she just finally picked him up now.” The tone was SO passive-aggressive, like she was shading me mid-convo with no intention of stopping just because I walked in.

So I’m like, “Wait, what did she say?” and my mom tries to play it off, like “nothing.” But I kept asking, and yeah — I got upset. I swore at her and got visibly mad.

Now I’ll admit, I could’ve handled it better. But I instantly felt embarrassed and judged. I felt like a bad mom, like I was being gossiped about by my own parent in real-time, and it hit a nerve.

And something I’ve noticed about myself is when I mess up — or feel like I’ve messed up — I spiral. I get in my head, like “I’m not doing good enough,” and yeah, sometimes my mind goes to really dark places, like giving up or worse.

Now I’m sitting here wondering: Was I the asshole for snapping? Or was she out of line for talking about me like that, knowing I was right there?