I (23 F) have been with my bf (26M) for 3 years now. We’ve lived together for about a year and a half. We’ve both kept the same jobs since the beginning of our relationship. I make roughly 110k per year working full time and he makes about 25k per year working part time. Although he only works about 20 hours per week he has alot of passion projects and hobbies that keep him just as busy as me if not more.

Because of our wage difference we’ve always split rent and bills down based on our salary percentages (my idea) so that neither of us are paying for anything beyond our means.

When we started dating I was making around 75k and have used the past 3 years to work my way up, whereas he’s stayed in his same part time retail job and pay this entire time and I’ve always been super understanding and respectful that he prioritises his hobbies and passions over working mind numbing jobs.

In the past I’d say 8 months he’s started feeling the cost of living crisis and it’s starting to effect him. He’s chewing away slowly at his savings, and stressing out about money so much. It’s unfortunate because his weekly pay of $400-$500 literally only covers his already reduced living expenses - I cover the groceries and any home expenses ect. He’s started getting behind on his rent/ bills side of things which has also put me out because I didn’t expect to be paying for 100% of our living expenses some weeks. In saying that though- I understand COMPLETELY and am always super easy about it because I know it’s an awkward spot to be in.

This weekend he’s been at his lowest point and really down on himself - frustrated that nothing is working out for him. I feel bad but in the heat of this I’ve gone ahead and told him that he’s only holding himself back and he might need to start thinking about getting a full time job. I also added that it’s going to put strain on our relationship if he doesn’t.

He’s listened to me and said he’s going to start looking. But now he seems to be beating himself up and very overall just sad and frustrated with everything. Out of nowhere he asked me tonight if I think he’s just useless and told me he feels like he can’t do anything right. I told him of course not but I’m just being blunt because I need him to hear what I’m saying. I feel terrible that I’ve obviously bruised his ego. I always steer clear of saying anything like this because I know the fact that i make more than him and live a more professional life than him sometimes seems like it makes him feel small, so now I just feel like a POS.

Be honest with me. Bonus points if you have any advice on what I can do to make him feel better.