I seriously messed up five years ago, and now I'm paying for it in the worst way possible.

My ex and I dated for three years in college. He wasn't conventionally attractive, kind of scrawny, but incredibly smart and genuinely the sweetest guy. He treated me like a queen, remembered every anniversary, knew all my favorite things. But I was young, shallow, and honestly thought I was settling.

My friends constantly talked about their hot boyfriends while showing me pics of mine with pitying smiles. "But he's so nice," they'd say, like that was some consolation prize. It got in my head.

The breaking point came at my roommate's graduation party. I got way too drunk, and when he asked if I wanted to move in together after graduation, I just... snapped.

"Why would I want to live with you? You're just a placeholder until I find someone better. You'll never be my dream guy. You're just... convenient."

The look on his face. God, I can still see it. Pure devastation. He didn't even argue or yell. He just nodded, grabbed his jacket, and left. Blocked me everywhere the next day. Complete ghost.

Fast forward to last week. I'm scrolling through Instagram and see a mutual friend's post. There he is, completely transformed. He's filled out, clearly works out now, dressed impeccably, and according to the caption, just sold his tech startup for millions.

I felt sick. Not because he changed his appearance, but because I realized how badly I screwed up. The guy who genuinely loved me, who I threw away because he wasn't "hot enough" for my shallow friends' approval, is now exactly what society would call a "catch." And I'm single, miserable, and dating absolute jerks who treat me like garbage.

I broke down and sent him a message, apologizing for everything and asking if we could meet for coffee "as friends." He responded two days later with, "I appreciate the apology, but some things can't be undone. I wish you well."

Our mutual friends tell me he's engaged to a woman who's been with him since before his success. Someone who loved him when he was still that scrawny guy I thought wasn't good enough.

My sister says I'm the biggest asshole who ever lived and I got exactly what I deserved. But part of me wonders if trying to reconnect was wrong too. AITA for both rejecting him AND for trying to crawl back when I saw how successful he became?