I (31) live in a house I’ve lived in nearly my whole life. The house was purchased by mother’s parents and was set up in a trust that eventually had me named as executor after my mother passed away. My father (67) and older brother (34 and who was a serious heroin addict up to and after the passing of my mother and both of her parents and who I have been estranged with for close to 10 years at this point) were not included in the trust for reasons that should become obvious if they aren’t already. My younger sister also remains living in the home and she was included as a beneficiary of the trust.

My dad has never left the house but after school and some other jobs I have been living in the house again since 2019. I have never charged my father rent. He has paid a small share of utilities (out of his social security checks) but that is all.

My dad lives like a pig. Up until relatively recently he spent most of his time downstairs where he absolutely ruined a couch with his filthy lifestyle and would often leave cups filled with urine on the coffee table. I finally got him to stop spending time downstairs and got rid of the couch and the room he now occupies contains the majority of his frankly disgusting ways. He has lived this way for most of my life.

I would describe myself as a serious late bloomer in life and have matured significantly in the last several years and have been in therapy for some time now. It’s through that and talking with my close friend group that I have begun having serious issues with how my parents raised us. My father has always been a remarkably immature person and as such was never able to teach me anything about being an adult or being a man.

The person I am today is completely in spite of any of his doing as a parent. Or my mother for that matter who I would also have issues with if she were still alive today.

I also have serious issues about his lack of responsibility as a husband. My mother was incredibly sick and depressed woman and she only got worse and worse year after year and my father never showed any inclination to help her. In her latter years she was unable to easily get to the bathroom and resorted to urinating on the floor at times. My father has claimed ignorance of this in the past.

What my father did do is cheat on her often with escorts and at massage parlors and was even arrested once for soliciting.

No one has ever called out my father for this behavior until I did this past week.

To no surprise he remained completely indignant. He could not even fathom why I would have an issue with his parenting of me. When I asked if he saw any failures in himself as parent the only thing he could point to was my brother’s drug addiction. My brother remains in contact with my father and clearly placates him and allows him to live in his delusion that he was a good parent and father.

A major problem I had with my father was an instance where he violently hit my sister in a moment that remains remarkably traumatic for her. He completely denied it happened or that he ever laid a hand on his kids ever. For the record I watched it happen myself and my sister has had the same story ever since it happened. It definitely happened.

When I got to my issues with him as a husband he immediately turned it onto his kids. “And what did you do for mommy?!” He said to me. I calmly responded “we were children” over and over until he said “spoiled fucking children”. He holds no responsibility to his wife slowly dying as he watched on the sidelines.

At the end of the conversation I said he needs to find new housing. Based on his reactions I see no way to repair this relationship especially while he is living in the house. I said I’d give him time obviously to figure it out but it’s best for everyone to not live in this house anymore.

He stormed out and soon after my estranged brother began texting me calling me a “piece of shit” and other horrible things. We went back and forth for a while with him continuing to speak bile to me even after I said I was leaving the conversation.

Last night he continued to scream into the void via our text chain and when he couldn’t get me to respond he stepped up to a new level of evil.

He texted my sister who doesn’t know his number since he also did some horrific things to her while at his worst drug use. He pretended to be our dead grandmother and said awful things in an effort to intimidate her.

My father claimed I was a spoiled child in not helping my dying mother. I think the only spoiled children here are my father and brother and I feel zero responsibility to help either of them ever.

You tell me. Am I the asshole?