I (20F) moved in with my brother (33M) and his ex (30F) as soon as I turned 18. They live in a different state than my family and I needed to get away from my mother. Our hometown is 1hr 30min away from where we live now. My brother stopped attending family events years ago because he couldn’t stand being around our family. I do not have my drivers license nor a car, so I cannot get down there even if I really wanted to.

Four days before thanksgiving of ‘24, my sister (31F) got a call from one of our aunts telling her that she and her two kids (9F, 7M) were no longer invited to thanksgiving because my sister never contributes to the party (nor does most of my family, it’s usually my aunt because she’s the host) and she never watches her kids and her kids make a mess and they have damaged things in the past. My sister would be allowed to be re-invited to family events as long as she made the effort to fix her relationship with our aunt.

For starters: NOBODY watches their own kid at family events. When I was going I was the one hanging out with all of them. Kids– especially young kids– make messes when they’re around their cousins! My sister’s kids are NOT the only ones making messes. My other brother (34M) gets drunk and ignores his kids, nor does he contribute to the party.

My sister called me saying how upset she was and how she’d never go back to a place her kids weren’t welcome, like our mother did to us. I agreed and said that her not going anymore is even more reason for me not to go. She is the only other person besides my grandmother that I can actually stand to be around. I love my grandmother and I miss her so much, I know I need to call her more and I know it makes her sad not to see me.

In the beginning of this year my brother and I went down to see my grandmother and one of my aunts (55F) was home. This was not the aunt that had a conversation with my sister. The visit was fine, my aunt would make comments about things I was saying from another room like “she doesn’t know anything” or making fun of the way I talked “uhhh um uh like” ect.

At the end we were leaving (my brother made up an emergency for us to go… as he usually does) and when I was saying bye to my aunt she backed me up into a separate room. She cornered me and told me it broke my grandma’s heart that we didn’t go to thanksgiving or Christmas because of my sister. She said my sister was lying to me about so much and she stole from my grandma and that there’s proof of it but she wouldn’t show me the said proof.

She also said my grandma was getting up there is years and “she doesn’t have a lot of time left” and told me I needed to go for her. She made me feel guilty to the point where I started crying. I told her I’d go to Easter but when the shift sign up sheets at my job came out… I chose to work that day instead.

I really do love and miss my grandma and I know she doesn’t like not seeing everyone on holidays, but my family is exhausting and I don’t like or feel comfortable being around them. I just can’t do family gatherings anymore, so AITA?