I, 42F, am a high school special education teacher. One of my old students, 23M, keeps in touch with me occasionally over Instagram. He graduated in May 2021 and has autism, so he has difficulty with socializing and information processing skills. Because of this, he’s had a hard time in the workplace and has been fired from two jobs. He reached out to me saying that he was gonna try to get on SSDI and asked me to write him a letter on his behalf (the SSA calls this a “third-party testimony”). I did and told him to let me know how it goes.

A few weeks ago, he did just that. He told me he got disability lawyer to help with my case and that he’s going to be going to court soon. Also, he asked me if I could help him out financially because his parents weren’t offering any kind of help and he’s been tight on money. This was my response:

“Hi, Taylor. This messages concerns me. I know your dad and Amanda and I can’t imagine them not helping you out. I’d be happy to take you out to lunch or grab some groceries for you, but only if you are actively working towards doing something else. I don’t understand why you’re trying to pursue Social Security. You are one of the smartest, most outgoing kids that had ever come through my classroom. You are a social being — staying home and not interacting with anyone is bad for you buddy.”

I then contacted his parents and told them what he sent me. They weren’t happy to say the least. Later, I got another message from Taylor saying that his feelings were hurt because of what I did. He explained that his parents only gave him money one time and made it very clear they weren’t doing it again and, when he got into a car accident, his car got written off and, even though his dad said for one week he could use his car to run errands, his stepmom got angry with him for doing just that. Additionally, Taylor said they’ve done other hurtful things to him like kicking him out when he was 18 because he complained about them in his diary, his dad stealing from his house, saying it’s his fault for being called homophobic slurs for wearing Pride stuff, etc, so that’s more reason he didn’t feel comfortable asking for help. He accused me of creating more rift that didn’t need to be created and said that he wasn’t pursuing SSDI to stay home and not work and was hurt that I thought that. He also called my support conditional and my words contradictory to what I did before. “If you don’t understand why I’m doing this, why did you agree to write a letter for me and in said letter, say that you think I need disability benefits?”

Now he thinks I’m not a safe person to talk to and has stopped talking to me since. AITA?