So this happened recently and I still feel weird about it. I messaged my friend about some school work-related stuff, and out of nowhere, she got really mad at me. She basically said, “Oh my God, I thought you were going to ask how I’m doing or something, not just talk about work.”

I was caught off guard and replied something like, “Okay, but have you ever asked me how I’m doing?” And she flat-out said no—but then followed it up with “Well, anytime I tried to talk to you…” And I was just like, girl, you’ve never asked me about how I’m doing or about my feelings.

Then she switched it up and said, “You don’t even text me casually like other people do.” And I said, “I’ve never texted anyone like that. That’s just not my thing.” I don’t do the daily check-in, back-and-forth texting with anyone, and she knows that.

But then she got really upset and started saying that it feels like she’s not getting a real friendship from me, and that I’m acting weird toward her. So I told her: if you’ve been feeling this way for two years, why didn’t you say something sooner instead of blowing up now out of nowhere like a weirdo?

She seemed really focused on the idea that I’m emotionless or detached just because I don’t check in constantly, but like—she never texts me first either. I pointed that out and she hit back with, “Everyone knows I’m not a text person.” So I was like, “What do you want me to do then? Call you every day to check in on your feelings?”

At some point, I do understand the sentiment. Like, yes, it’s normal to want someone to care and make an effort. But it should go both ways. If it’s not mutual, you don’t bottle it up for two years and then explode. You have a conversation. You communicate. She was making it sound like I was using her and that I don’t value our friendship.

Anyway, it just left me feeling like I’m being blamed for not being someone I never claimed to be. So— AITA