My (40F) boyfriend (40M) and I have been together for 8 years, with a history of ups and downs - on and offs. A year ago, he moved into my condo that I bought and own. At the time, he suggested we draw up a domestic agreement to protect both sides financially, but I said it wasn’t necessary. I felt that what was mine was his and that when I sold, the proceeds would benefit us both as we bought our next home together.

Fast forward a year: we’re now talking seriously about selling my condo and buying a new home together. Last week, he asked how much of the sale proceeds would be his. I was caught off guard because I hadn’t thought of his time living with me as an investment. I thought he was simply paying rent to help cover expenses. We split my mortgage 50:50 each month but I continued to pay 100% of the property tax and strata fees. He was also subletting his own apartment and earning income during this time.

During a long, emotional conversation, I tried to explain that if I had to define it, I saw it more like a landlord-tenant situation: we helped each other save on monthly expenses like our homes, but there was no financial stake in my property. He said that by framing it that way he feels this is a sign of bigger issues (instability, lack of trust), and is now seriously reconsidering whether he wants to stay in the relationship. Throughout the discussion I said several times I want to be fair to both of us, I just don’t know what that is but I was open to the discussion. He is adamant that this shouldn’t have taken him convincing me, for me to see it this way.

I truly wasn’t trying to diminish him. I honestly hadn’t thought through the financial implications the same way he had, even though the conversation was promoted a year ago. At the time, I wanted to show full trust and generosity, but I see now that clear expectations early would have saved a lot of hurt.

AITAH?