My husband and I (both late 20s) are going through our worst nightmare right now. After trying to conceive for two years and becoming pregnant with our very wanted baby, we have learned that our baby has a fatal fetal abnormality and have decided to end the pregnancy. This was not where we expected to be and it has been gutting. For me a little more because I have some experience with this.

When I was a child my parents had another child, my brother. They learned he also had a fatal fetal abnormality and they refused to accept what the doctors said about the condition and they chose to carry to term and fight for him to survive regardless of what it put him through. He eventually died but by that time our family was traumatized watching him suffer like he did and my parents regretted their decision to make him suffer like that. Especially my dad who had been against it for longer than my mom had. I never blamed them though. I know originally they were given hope that children with my brother's condition didn't suffer badly even if they did survive for a year or two after birth. But my brother's condition was far worse than was typical and they just wanted to believe he'd be okay. But he wasn't. I still remember how much he suffered and I have carried that with me ever since.

So knowing I have a baby with a fatal fetal condition also, knowing that the one my baby has is actually worse than what my brother had, and it's so incredibly rare to survive and that the few babies who have it and make it past birth suffer so much, knowing all that I cannot bring myself to carry to term.

Everyone knew we were pregnant so we have been breaking the news to our inner circle. My dad has been the biggest support and offered us both 100% support. My ILs basically want us to get 100 second opinions until our baby is here anyway. They don't feel like we should just accept it. That we could be aborting a perfectly healthy baby and just because three different doctors agree with the diagnosis and prognosis, it doesn't mean we should believe it. Then there's my mom. Even after everything she is pushing me to carry to term. She has tried to get me to cancel the appointment several times a day. I had to stop answering her calls. The day is only two days away now and she is not supporting me. Instead she's taking a very strong anti-abortion stance that was unexpected after everything. I have tried to explain to her in the nicest way I can manage that we feel it's for the best and this feels the kinder approach for the baby we love desperately and wanted more than we could express. But she's pushing back and saying how we should let nature take it's course and have a chance to meet our first baby. She snapped at me yesterday and told me I'm giving up too easily and how could I live with myself if I follow through and kill my baby. It made me angry and I told her I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer. I told her watching him go through that made me swear I would never. That I would be selfless and instead of selfish because I'm not the one who has to live with that kind of pain and suffering.

My mom looked like I slapped her and she told me throwing that back in her face was low and my situation did not excuse it. I never wanted to throw it in her face but the truth is that's how things happened and it shaped how I feel about this. More than anything I don't want my baby to die. I want my baby to grow up and live a happy life. But my baby will die. My baby will die very young and will suffer if they survive the birth. I have done my research. I have talked to parents who went through this with the same condition. I have spoken to the professionals. I know what will happen. But I know what I said to my mom hurt her so much. And I want to know if I'm TA for it.