I (34F) have three older brothers. Growing up, it was always expected that I’d help my mom with things around the house while my brothers got to play or relax. I didn’t think much of it as a kid — it was just “how things were.” But as I got older, I started to notice a pattern. My mom constantly relied on me for emotional support, household help, and later, even financial assistance, while my brothers were treated like golden children who couldn’t do anything wrong.

Now, our mom (68F) has some health issues that are progressing. Nothing urgent yet, but she’s starting to talk about needing someone to move in with her or her moving in with someone. At dinner a few weeks ago, she said — in front of everyone — “Well, obviously [my name] will take care of me when the time comes.” Everyone kind of nodded and laughed like it was already decided.

I sat there in disbelief. None of my brothers even flinched. I finally spoke up and said, “Actually, I don’t think that’s fair. I love you, Mom, but I have my own life and I’m not planning to become your caretaker.” She looked shocked and asked, “If not you, then who?” I said, “You have three other children. It’s not just on me because I’m the daughter.”

Now she’s been cold toward me, calling me ungrateful and saying I’m abandoning her after everything she’s done for me. One of my brothers told me I was “harsh” and should’ve just agreed and figured it out later. But I feel like if I don’t speak up now, it’ll become my full responsibility without discussion — just like everything else has always been.

So, AITA for telling my mom I’m not going to be her automatic caretaker just because I’m the only daughter?