My (28f) mom (55f) and dad (57m) have no real retirement plan. They have no savings, their house is not paid off and they spend like they will always have money coming in. My dad works a physically demanding job and his health has been going downhill slowly through the years. My mom will not to work. She got a nursing degree, but only used it for about 5 years. She has anxiety, depression and chronic pain that makes working hard. Her student loans are also not paid off.

My mom has been telling me that they plan to live with me when they were old, just like my mom’s mother does now. I’ve tried to be nice about it. She never really took “I don’t even own a house” for an answer.

I did not leave my parents house until I was 27 for many reasons, so I relied on them for a long time. I did pay rent when I worked. A lot of my guilt is coming from how much they have given me. If I wanted or needed something, I got it, my whole life. I guess that’s part of the problem.

They always seemed to think it was me that would take them in, even though I’m the youngest of 3. I have an older sister (31f), but their relationship is strained. She does not plan to take them in. I have an older brother (33m), who just moved out. He feels that he might have to take them in someday. I don’t know how his girlfriend feels about that.

A large part of my brother’s paycheck was going to my parents for rent and other expenses. Now that he’s moved out, they will have a lot less extra income.

Another problem is their pets. They always have pets - a lot of them. Unfortunately, the dogs are not trained to go outside, and a few cats don’t always go in the litter box. I was raised in a household with that and NEVER again. I love animals, but any animal that enters my house HAS to be trained to go outside or in the litter box. Also, the amount of animals they have is a large financial burden to them.

The subject of money was brought up again when my mom mentioned she bought a $2,000 snowblower because, once again, theirs broke. They put it on a payment plan since they cannot outright spent that much.

I mentioned my worries about their finances and future. When she waved it off, I finally told her they can’t live with me when they are old. I said, “I can’t watch you spend all of your money and expect help later when you don’t have any.” It did not go well. She said I was a horrible daughter and how she didn’t raise me like that. She said she was ashamed of me. She went on and on about what she did for her parents. And I know, I was there. I was there when they built them a deck and laid hardwood floor. I was also there when they asked her parents for money, over and over, to put in their bank account to reverse the overdraft fees. They were never good with money, my whole life.

We haven’t said a word to each other in over a month. I’m not really sure how to break this stalemate.

If it wasn’t for my fiancé (31m) I probably would just fold and let the live in whatever future house I might have. Me and my fiancé currently live in a 1 bedroom apartment together.

So am I the a-hole for telling my mom (and dad) that I can’t be their retirement plan?