I (25F) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for nearly 6 years. In December, Arthur, our beloved dog of 3 years, lost his battle to cancer. We work in animal care; our animals are our whole world. In his last week, we tried to give him the best week possible. This included seeing all of his favorite people and pets. My gf and I had asked my BIL (20M) to set up a day to bring his dog by to say bye to Arthur. They had lived together for months and were very close. We had loosely discussed them coming over during the weekend, but they ultimately decided it was too late in the evening to come over.

Here’s a transcript of the rest of the conversation:

My GF: M BIL’s GF: J BIL’s Dog: K

Sunday, December 8th, 5:57PM:

Me: What time frame is better for yall (to keep in mind in the next few days)

BIL: Really our only slots are Saturdays, and not too late Sundays due to our work schedules

Me: So yall wouldn't be able to meet up so Arthur can see K before Thursday?

BIL: Probably not, I don't have set hours so I can't ever say for sure and J gets off pretty late during the week and has meetings and trainings early in the days so it probably just doesn't line up as unfortunate as that is

Me: I'm just going to say this, because I am severely disappointed- but my feelings aren't what's important here. You know M. Losing Arthur is going to be the hardest, worst thing she has ever gone through. It will utterly and completely wreck her. You have the opportunity to do something to ease just the slightest bit of that pain, and you don't want to do it because it will cause you to be slightly inconvenienced. I hope you know that M would move heaven and earth for you. She would put herself through hell for you without a second thought. Because she loves you. And time and time again you have shown that there is very little that you would do for her if it meant even the slightest bit of sacrifice from you. And that sucks, but this situation is different. This week will stay with M forever. That's not me being dramatic. You should know how devastated she will be. You should want to sacrifice something if it meant bringing her comfort. Showing up for people during times like that, like this, is how you show people that you give a damn about them. M deserves better.

BIL: Well, for one, I have been kind by not saying anything remotely close to how I felt about the entire situation to save M's feelings, secondly, I just said it probably wouldn't work, if I got off early between now and thursday I had planned to check in, see if that day worked better, and to attempt to make this happen to the best of my ability while still prioritizing my personal responsibilities. On the topic of me never doing anything for M, I reject that claim vehemently, I have done a lot to help, and offered to help in situations many many times, but am either not taken up on it or never updated. Arthur has been on borrowed time since he left the shelter, why no one else acknowledges that baffles me, he was always going to die, if anything the fact he lived so long should be looked on fondly and appreciated. I understand that my tendency to rely on logic is taken as being unfeeling or cold, but ultimately they are animals, it is sad yes but you agree to being sad when they die when you adopt them. I am still planning on attempting to make this event happen before thursday, which is not even that unlikely, I just can't guarentee my schedule for the week. However, all that your lectures do is make me feel when you resort to frankly being kinda rude, is make me want to help less, I am refraining from that because despite your claims I do care for my sister, people just care in different ways, and about different things. So yeah, if you can get me y'alls schedule for the week I will try to keep in touch, l don't mind if J isn't there or not, l'l see what I can do.

Was his response proportionate to my message? Would you ever say what he said to someone going through the loss of a pet?

Am I the asshole?