Hi everyone !

Sorry to interrupt you on your feed but I need to see more clearly about the situation.

I (31F) am with my partner (35M) for almost 11 years and we live together for 8 years. We are not married but it's just as we were. I moved to his town after 3 years in distance. I come from another part of our country and my studies make me live in different cities.

For a little bit of context:
- I've been diagnosed with ADHD at 29-30 years old. I need the official diagnosis by a psychiatrist but I've seen an neuropsychologist that confirmed what I thought. I'm 100% certain that my mom (60F) also has ADHD but never been diagnosed and never will. All these years created a huge amount of misunderstanding from her part concerning what I said or my social behaviour that seems a little bit awkward but nothing problematic. I'm masking very well so I'm just a little bit 'original'.
- My grandmother has been abusive to my mom because of her pathological narcissism - again never been diagnosed but she tickes every boxes of this disorder. She had power mentally other my mom for decades and she's her only child. But even if she now seemed to realised that, my mom has still a lot of traumas but will never see a professionnal in mental health. So she still uses a lot of defensive mechanisms.
- My dad have seen my partner only once and my mom twice. They've went to visit me only once each and for maximum 5 hours. I always went to see them and always went alone - the travel is 7 or 8 hours in total by car or train and plane is not as used as in the US. But as time passed, I went less often for not coming at all because of very hard conversations that hurt my feelings. They never really accepted - consciously or not - that I'm quite far away from them now.

Weeks ago, I was on the phone with my mom and we decided to see each other. I was happy, we explained each other a few months ago and every thing was good. I have several jobs and I can't take vacations immediately but we agreed to see each other for a weekend. It's gonna be in a very big city at 3 hours by train - one of my little sister is living there so my mom can stay to her place - or where I live. We'll see the details later but it's planned in our head and she'll give me confirmation for the dates. It's gonna be around the last weekend of May.

Move forward to last week. My mom asked me if the last weekend of May is still OK. I said yes, I've even blocked this particular weekend on my work schedule. Then I told her that my partner will be on vacation this week - not going anywhere, just not working - and I just need to be home on Sunday because of my father-in-law's birthday. From this moment, everything changed. She told me that she just wanted to see me alone, that I've always put my in-laws first, that I wanted to find another family, that I'm very secretative, that I am like my grandma and that I can't do something without him. We had a fight on the phone and I hanged on her because I couldn't bear it anymore. I was exhausted, I cried and I had to cool down but I was used to it so it goes much quicker than it went before.

A few days later, I received a message from my mom and I decided to answer. She said that I shouldn't say that my partner will be on vacation at this moment, that I should tell her this info when I'll be with her but not before because of her trauma. I stood up, said that I was just informed of his vacation, it was on my mind at this moment and it's an ordinary piece of information. We are talking about the man that I love and live with for almost a decade ... She stayed on her postions and said that I should talk to her with pure honesty because of her traumatic mother. We finished the conversation like that.

Yesterday, I had another conversation by texts with her. She decided to cancel her venue, that we don't understand each other and that if I want to see my family, I need to go seeing them and not the contrary. But I'm 100% sure that she'll still go to the city where my sister lives for seeing her. I'm sad but it's OK, it'll pass. I just need to know if AITA for saying to her that my partner was on vacation the same days I had to see my mom. And sorry for my wobbly English, it's not my mother tongue.