So my boyfriend (M22) and I (M25) have been dating for 8 months. We live 2 and a half hour away from each other but he makes the drive to see me every few weeks between my hectic medical school schedule. We recently got into a text argument about spending the summer living together, how much he should work, if we should move to Massachusetts together and move in with my mom (I’m a 12 hour drive from school). Long story short we both said some things we regret but it was a messy back and fourth. The next day I reached out and suggested FaceTiming to talk things out … no response. At this point I had sent him 5 texts in a row and figured sending more would only make him more upset and make me a crazy boyfriend. So I waited… I waited… 1 day, 3 days, 5 days later he sends me a blank snap and I get pretty upset saying now he reaches out to me?

Long story short he told me he has been pretty resentful of a few aspects of our relationship including the sex and it has built up over the court of months. He hasn’t communicated that his frustration levels were this high and I had tried to please him sexually the last few times I’ve seen him but he’s been cold and said no which I respected. Even when we do have sex and he gets off he told me he could get off to the ugliest person in the world but he’s still not pleased. How am I supposed to know though what pleases him if he doesn’t tell me? I told him this and he gave me half assed responses. So we officially broke up and then a few days later I got cold feet and reached out to him really wanting to talk things through since we broke off an 8 months relationship through only text and it felt wrong to not be able to work through our problems over the phone or in person

This is where idk if I’m the asshole. If he’s the asshole, or if we’re just not compatible. He came to me and said he has 3 ultimatums. 1) He moves in with me over the summer (he goes to grad school in the fall but he was absolutely appalled at the idea of going back to my home state (fair I guess, it’s with my mom but we still have a lot of space) 2) I have to drive him to Starbucks everyday to work (1 hour there and 1 hour back) = 4 hours of driving a day in order to bond more… 3) We have to have an open relationship when he moves to school.

We have a little argument about me being controlling by suggesting him to go to mass with me or by wanting him to work less to spend more time together our last summer. He says I’m selfish and self centered and that I can’t sexually please him when he hasn’t given me a chance (we didn’t have sex the first 3 months cause I wouldn’t do it unless he was tested and he hated condoms). 1 time after that I had performance anxiety and other times he’s shut me down. A few times we had what I thought was good sex but he told me he’s been 0% pleased sexually the whole relationship. I defended myself saying how can I please him if he doesn’t let me please him or communicate with me. AITA for now thinking that those ultimatums are manipulative and fucked up?

Finally, he told me he’s going to start drinking again, he said he never had a problem. This came after he admitted to drinking and driving open container and after he blacked out at my prom, the 3rd time doing so with my friends. I feel like he’s making me feel crazy. Like I’m the controlling one and being manipulated when I never gave him an ultimatum, I just wanted to have conversations. I know whoever is writing these posts comes off as bias but he never has apologized or said any actions of his were any blame. It’s always 100% my fault and it’s me starting arguments when we don’t argue 98% of days in the year. I always try and work through problems together and find ways we can both improve but it’s just not feasible with him. AITA for thinking he’s exactly what he’s saying I am and getting defensive for not being receptive to our conversations for improvements in our relationship agreements.