I (22F) have been with my fiancé (23M) for almost 5 years. We got engaged 10 months ago, and because we’re Muslim, we also had a religious marriage ceremony; so in our faith, he’s technically already my husband. In our culture, it’s customary for both mothers (mine and his) to maintain contact and a cordial relationship during the engagement/religious marriage period leading up to the civil wedding. That hasn’t happened at all.

In these 10 months, his mother has never called my mother just to check in or ask how I’m doing, even though she knows I live alone. The only times she did reach out was to ask my mom (who’s an attorney) for help with a legal issue involving her sister.

On my fiancé’s birthday, his mom invited his dad, his sister, and him out for dinner, but didn’t invite me. When he told her he preferred to celebrate with his friends and me, she gave him the silent treatment for nearly two weeks.

About a month after that, I became really sick. I was dizzy, disoriented, and in a lot of pain, I couldn’t even drive myself to the hospital. I called my fiancé and asked him to come take me to the hospital. He doesn’t own a car (he’s in the process of buying one) and usually borrows his parents’. His mom refused to let him take the car. She told him I should just take some medicine and that going to the hospital would take too long. She also said she didn’t want him out that late (it was 11 PM). He didn’t come. I sat in pain until I fainted and woke up the next morning still sitting there. That night completely changed the way I view him and our relationship.

When I asked him later why he didn’t stand up to her and come help me, he had no explanation. I also found out that he had tried to hide the fact that she had forbidden him from coming, I had to confront him to get the truth. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me the truth from the beginning, he said he was afraid I would tell my mom and it would cause problems. I told him: he chose to protect his mother during a situation that could have been fatal for me.

Later, my mom asked to speak with his mother about her behavior. His mom broke down crying and tried to convince my fiancé that my mom was trying to sabotage our relationship.

Then came an important cultural event called “Al-Mohiba,” where the groom’s family gives the bride-to-be several gifts like jewelry, clothes, shoes, beauty products, etc. His mom showed up extremely late and only brought a single very basic and simple dress, even though she had told my fiancé that she was going to bring several more items. While there, she made snide comments about how young her son is, how he didn’t finish his studies “because he decided to get married so young,” then gave me a nasty side-eye. Just a few days before, I had wished her a happy Eid by phone and text, she ignored me completely.

Last week, everything boiled over. My mom sent a voice note to his mom explaining how deeply disrespected and belittled she felt by the way I’ve been treated. She said that if she had to do it all over again, she would not want her as my mother-in-law. She also made it clear she no longer wanted direct contact with her.

Since then, his entire family has been calling my mom “aggressive” and demanding an apology. They’ve been ganging up on my fiancé too, calling him weak and “not a real man” for not siding with his mother. His mother played the victim with everyone, but quietly backed off from confronting him directly, while everyone else went after him instead.

Now he feels miserable and humiliated in his own home. He even got into a fight with his father, who said he was going to call my mom and demand an apology. My fiancé told his father that if he did, it would be “a declaration of war” between them. I honestly believe his mother is using everyone else to attack him while making it look like she’s innocent, she cries to them and acts hurt while pretending like she’s not involved in the chaos she causes.

As an extra note: • His mom has always shown up 1.5 to 2.5 hours late to every major event hosted by my family, including Al-Mohiba. • She has not acknowledged or responded to a single holiday greeting I’ve sent since last Eid. • My fiancé works for her and has been paid minimum wage for the past 10 months, not even enough to cover his expenses. She initially said ? she would hand over the business to him a year from the date he had started working for her, but then recently said she never intended to stop working. I’ve been telling him to find another job since month two. He’s only just now planning to leave.

I’m exhausted. I feel disrespected. And worst of all, I feel unsafe with someone who didn’t come when I needed urgent medical help because his mother said no. I love him, but I don’t know if I can continue like this if he doesn’t take real action.

So, AITA for thinking he’s being emotionally manipulated and controlled by his mother?

EDIT: A few days ago, my fiancé’s dad randomly added me on Snapchat. I’ve only ever spoken to him once—just to wish him a happy Eid (which is something I was obligated to do out of respect). So this caught me really off guard, especially considering that my fiancé had told me he didn’t want his dad to have my number at all after I had called his father for the Eid Holidays. At the time, I thought he was just being weird, and borderline insane for making such allegations, but now I can’t help but wonder if he had a reason to feel that way. It’s almost like he knew his dad was gonna pull some weird shit like this.

It feels really inappropriate and makes me deeply uncomfortable, especially given everything else that’s going on with his family and the nature of the platform he’s trying to add me on. I haven’t accepted the request, and I’m torn on whether to tell my fiancé. I know he’s already at his limit emotionally, and I’m genuinely scared that it would push him over the edge, either to lash out at his dad or spiral himself. I don’t want to hide things from him, but I also don’t want to add more fuel to a fire that’s already burning. What the hell do I do?