I (f34) have a son (1) ( lets call him Bear) with my ex(m39) we will call Jay. I have known Jay since I was 14 and 2 years ago I fell pregnant with his child after a very short relationship. I mean 1 month in and we found out. We decided we are enough for each other to make work of it and brought this beautiful baby into the world.

He worked overseas the entire pregnancy, bear was born in Jan 2024 and he was meant to return in June 2024 to assist with parenting as I would run out of maternity leave in July 2024. He decided without me in June that he would keep working overseas, so it was agreed that I would then move overseas with him so we could be a family unit. He returned home for the month before the move and 1 week before the move he told me he had lied to keep me quiet and I wasn't going with. I will note that the emotional abuse was insane that I put up with, eg making me walk through a shopping mall 4 days after a c section for a paternity test, calling me every horrible thing you could think of and more, but I dealt with it and looked the other way like a mad person for my sons sake. I kicked him out for the betrayal of leaving me alone to work full time and parent alone with zero communication orguilt( had already been prepping for the move and sold items I really worked hard to get like my piano) and told him I needed time to move past this. The day before he left was the first time he slapped me in the face. He then demanded a 2nd parenity test that day, as I was shaking in fear, scared to move, due to his threats of hurting me more. He also smashed my phone destroying all my baby photos. Turns out he is majorly physically abusive and most of the things he has told me has been one lie after the next which i have found out since. I have also found out since then he has beaten his father to a pulp numoerous times for minor issues ( with his father 100% supporting me in this and is literally creating a file over many years in case he needs to file charges) and this man is dangerous. I ended the relationship but did give him 1 more chance 6 months later when he moved back to the country for good for our child's sake and again the physical violence and temper was an issue after 2 weeks so yet again ended it. He lasted 2 weeks at his father's place before being kicked out for violent behavior. Since then it has been a negative relationship with me constantly having to minimize contact to child related matters only, and I have been in counselling for it too, but up until 4 days ago he was still trying to kiss me at child drop offs and begging me to move overseas with him and give him another chance which I declined for obvious reasons.

Bear slept at Jay's house last night and during a video call I discovered he had taken my 1 year old to a random woman's house that I didn't know for the night to sleep there. Turns out he is apparently inlove (ah ha) and has been In a relationship with her for months. In the past 24 hours it has also come out that he cheated on me with her while I was pregnant.

He has told me today that I need to accept her as a part of my and my sons life and would like to introduce us so we can start bonding. Yes... I must bond with her.....

Where I may be the AH is I actually want to warn this girl about his past as no one warned me about his history of physical violence. He is relying on her for a place to stay, is as I mentioned in love (apparently) and has stated that I have no right to destroy his happiness, should let him move on and be happy for him..

Would I be the AH to warn her, yes with a small bit of agenda of hating what he's done to me, but also because she would be walking into a majorly toxic and dangerous situation?