To start, I’ve already searched and ran through the gauntlet of Reddit posts “why won’t my boyfriend have sex with me.” Without writing an entire essay; I know he’s not cheating, I know he’s not on any medications that affect his libido or that he finds me unattractive. I 100% know he’s over stressed because of work. I (27f) have been with my boyfriend (34m) for almost 2 years. We have always been very open and vulnerable with each other, beginning with our second date. We hit it off and this has been the most healthy and peaceful relationship I’ve ever been in. Almost 6 months in to dating my bf took over one of his dad’s businesses and has been under an immense amount of stress. He not only feels the professional pressures of trying to do well for the business but also juggles any stress his father puts on him and some other familial factors that aren’t typical of a business, but I just won’t get into that here.

The first year of dating we would have sex pretty regularly and it was very fun, probably the honeymoon puppy love phase. We moved in together a little over after one year of dating and we were like awesome we get to do this all the time together. But as of recently, maybe the past 3-4 months, it feels like we’ll go weeks without having sex. I would say I have a mid-high sex drive, and am not feeling fulfilled currently. It also feels like our intimate relationship depends on the type of week(s) he’s having at work. if it’s a good week, our intimate life is good. If work is bad, intimacy is non existent. We went on a short vacation for a long weekend a month ago and it’s almost like I forgot this had been happening. We were out of the country, no phone service, work didn’t bother him and it was like we were at the beginning of the relationship. I loved it. I have trauma from a past almost decade-long relationship that cause me to feel extreme anxiety and self deprecating when being rejected. I don’t ever really vocally express this disappointment or dissatisfaction, bc I know he’s stressed and never want to add to his plate. And honestly I just refrain from even asking in the first place. But it’ll come up from time to time and I’ll throw a small, not jab, but quip? about how we don’t have sex as much anymore. He’ll usually make a face or say “that’s not true” or even has admitted that he’s sorry we haven’t been having as much sex and we will work on being better. I have worked on some of my issues and past relationship trauma in therapy, but had to stop going due to switching insurances. He also had a therapist for years who he had to stop seeing for the same reason. He has paid a few times out of pocket to see his therapist in the past year but said he hasn’t been getting as much out of it and decided to stop going bc he doesn’t have as much time anymore. My question to you Reddit is; is this what an adult relationship is? A healthy relationship by all other standards, but intimacy just slows down because we’re no longer in the honeymoon phase and other life factors get in the way? If this isn’t what it’s supposed to be, how do I help my partner in this situation? I try to encourage trying to find a new therapist for the stress, but it feels like I’m just nagging him. Believe me, I know I’m not perfect, and I have been searching for a new therapist as well. I also actively partake in other activities outside of work such as going to the gym, pilates, volunteer work etc. He pretty much only goes to work, comes home & works on work, talks about work or sleeps. Even talks about work in his sleep, not joking. He’ll do one social thing a week whether with me or with his friends like go get dinner or grab drinks. But even with friends all he talks about is work. I am not trying to fault him at all, he is the best man I have ever met and I love him so much. I’ve always admired his passion and discipline. There’s been multiple conversations we’ve had where he’s almost sure he needs to quit this job bc it’s affecting his life so much outside of work but I think he not only feels a loyalty to his dad, but has a genuine passion for the business. I would never want to get in the way of that but I also feel myself slowly slipping away from that peaceful feeling I felt from the beginning of the relationship. We talk about marriage and I don’t think I would be genuinely happy without more regular intimacy. Will this change with age? I don’t really want to just settle, even if every other aspect of our relationship is amazing, I think intimacy is a big part of a relationship. Are my expectations unrealistic? Are we maybe not as compatible or not have as much chemistry as i originally thought at the beginning of the relationship? Do I need to just let it go and I’m overthinking or do I have a conversation about it? If so, what does that conversation sound like where it comes from a kind place but also doesn’t warrant the typical “I’m sorry, I’ve just been stressed/busy” response? If I’m just being TA let me know and I’ll accept it and drop it.