Why is it always “how” you respond to something that the wife points out, not the fact that what caused you to respond that way?

Context - wife has been very busy lately with so many engagements, even to the point of bringing her phone with her when we eat. Too busy to call or text me during the day, and when I text it’s a one word answer. Then when I call it’s like I’m a nuisance. So I don’t call anymore and just wait.

She had a convention last week and stayed there - we didn’t even talk for a week, then she comes home as if it’s all ok. And here I am just waiting.

Then the other day, I found out that she’s booked to go abroad for another week. It isn’t work related, it’s a field trip to an expo. This, after I told her already that I don’t want her to go. Money is a bit tight now and the person who’s paying for her ticket and stay is a DOM-type person that she knows is a predator.

So I blew up. She hid it from me but our kids and her fam know she’s booked. She knows we talked about it before that I don’t want her to go. Then she goes and cries and shouts she wants to break up and doesn’t want to live with me. W.T.F.

All I wanted was an apology and assurance that I’m still seen and that I’m her person. Is that too bad to ask?

It’s been tough for both of us lately, and she’s the only one keeping us afloat right now. But the noose is tighteninf. I am making some moves, and I pray that the moves pan out quickly, for our sake.

But now it’s like we’re in a cold war. She’s not paying me any attention and ignores my touches.

I am freaking hurting.

AITAH to want to be hugged and held and reassured that I am loved?

Added context:

I went to a spa once and had a happy ending - just a handjob. It ate me up so long. Eventually told her and showed remorse and really hoped she would take me back. She did, but now she’s bringing that episode back.

We’ve also been together almost 30 years, married for 21.