I 31 female and the bf in question is 24 male (yes I know ) lol have been together 3 years. Or close enough to it. Close enough for this to be the 3rd birthday of mine that we have been together (off and on). Whenever it comes to him and showing up for him I'm always there , no excuses. But somehow when it comes to me it's always an excuse. I wasn't really excited for my Birthday , I made no plans , I wasn't even gonna anything really then here he goes. He came up with the idea for us to go to the beach. Yea it might not be the best idea financially wise but hey you can go to the beach and still have a good time. So once he came up with the idea , he said he already found a restaurant we can go to with my favorite foods and all. Just hyping it up. A day or two before it was time to go (yes we were kinda winging it but still) he said he doesn't think it's a good idea bc his car is wrecked and he doesn't wanna drive it. Mind you his car is still drivable and he drives it most of the time bc he does alot off door dash/instacart. I get upset and he tries to gaslight me into not being upset saying "you have to be more understanding". Which there's several points in this relationship where I've had to "understand" everytime he comes up with an excuse. Mind you I'm even more mad that I really didn't care what I did for my birthday but he put an idea out there then I started getting excited. Then all of a sudden once he realized how upset I was tried to "Change his mind" and say we can still do it. I feel like he knew I was over it he just did that to make it seem like he was trying to still do it but it was me who didn't wanna do it. He then tried to argue with me about how I'm not understanding and I gotta know his "situation " and all. Mind you I've been understanding these "situations" all throughout the relationship that keeps coming up at the time it's time to show up for me. I forgot to mention we live In seperate states only a few hours apart. It hasn't always been this way we used to live In the same state and lived together before and it's 1000 reasons I should've stayed gone but somehow find my way back. But I ended up just planning something last minute and let him know I'll probably just go eat or something and he goes "just let me know " like he intended on coming.i didn't really hear from him until after noon ko Which he could've gotten up that morning and just came to see me it shouldn't matter if I had plans or not. He didn't come he did send me $40 but that was I feel because he knew right then he effed up. I was still angry and pissed. This isn't the first time it was something big or that I consider important In my life that I needed him to show up for and he made up excuses. So that's what makes me really want to end it. Showing up for Someone who doesn't show up for you is exhausting. So am I the asshole for wanting to break up with him after missing my birthday sn: one of the major events worst days of my life (my moms funeral) he didn't show up for and made excuses on that and didn't even try to make it. And there were also people coming up that he could've rode with but for whatever reason he didn't wanna ride with them bc he had such a problem with them for no reason but thats another story for another day. So no I shouldn't be surprised about this but I wanna know If I'm the a hole or not.