TW: mention of self harm and violence

So, to make a long story short… my (F20) older brother (M24) recently got diagnosed with Aspergers. But my problem is, that he has violent outbursts, and now wants to use his diagnosis as a way to make it okay.

He has always been violent and angry, and has always been a ticking time bomb. (He’s also super misogynistic which has caused some heated arguments between us. Only he was violent and yelling, while I was calm and trying respectfully to explain certain things and situations to him, not wanting a debate, but to educate.)

This Saturday, we were in a car with our dad, and it got REALLY heated. He ended up threatening to punch our dad in the face, and had his fist drawn up and ready to punch. Mind you, our dad is very quiet and more of a nerdy guy rather than macho. So ofc it scared the shit out of my dad and me as well. I started crying and shaking, and felt like throwing up.

Anyways, to get to the point. My mom had come over Saturday and calmed me down, and I told her I wanted to cut contact with my brother for a while. She had told my brother, and today I talked with my mom again, and she showed me a text, my brother had sent to her about me.

In the text he says, that I should expect these kinds of outbursts, even after he gets treatment. He said they will be more verbal, rather than physical, but just as violent and aggressive as now. And that I should accept him for having such outbursts. He also compares his outbursts to my self harm, and says he has “accepted” the fact that I do it. So I should accept him for having outbursts.

But I don’t think it’s fair to compare those two… one is an addiction I do in silence to myself. The other is violent to innocent people… I honestly can’t even look at him without having a physical reaction and feeling scared/sick to my stomach.

So… Am I The Asshole, for not wanting to talk with my brother?