Hi all,

So, my son (13M) is obsessed with gaming. He will game as soon as he gets back from school, after dinner, and at the weekend after he has finished his chores. I've (39M) spoken with my wife (42M) about how much time he spends online. I am concerned about the effect on his mental and physical health. She maintains that as long as his schoolwork and grades keep up (so far they have) and he always does his chores (he does) then he can spend his free time however he chooses. He often games with friends, so at least there is some social aspect. As someone who spent most of their childhood outside, however, I do worry about the effect gaming for 8 hours at a time is having on him.

One recent situation brought these concerns to a head. It was a Saturday, and after we all did our chores, I went for a bike a ride, and my son logged into discord to start gaming with his friends. It was a beautiful spring day. I invited him to come with me but he politely declined. Fair enough. I went for a ride, enjoyed it, and came back sweaty and dirty so wanted to hop in the shower. When I got in he was sitting in his room in his boxers, in the same position he was a few hours earlier. I said hi, checked how his games were going, and said that I was going to hop in the shower. He was clearly in the middle of a game so was not too responsive, but nodded and "uh-hu'd" in acknowledgement. I noticed he was fidgeting a bit but didn't think anything of it. I went to the bathroom, started showering, when I heard a pounding at the door. I asked who was there and he said Dad I really need the bathroom. I said I'd just got in the shower and asked if he was able to wait a few minutes. He said no it was urgent. I sighed, quickly rinsed off the soap, grabbed a towel, and did a very quick dry off. I would say this took between 30 seconds to a minute. Throughout this time he knocked again a couple of times, to which I said I was coming, just drying off real quick. When I opened the door, he was standing there, looking at the floor, grabbing himself and peeing his pants. There was pee all over the floor. I asked him what happened and he said he couldn't hold it while he waited, and tried to blame it on me taking too long to get out the shower. I said he should be able to hold his pee for more than 30 seconds, especially since he had all morning to use the bathroom but was clearly too distracted by his game to attend to his bodily needs. I made him clean himself up and mop the floors, unplugged his console, and said he wasn't getting it back until he learned to listen to his body and take breaks from his games. I don't think a 13 year old should be having accidents because they couldn't be bothered to stop gaming and go pee.

My wife however thinks I am being to harsh. She says this situation would have been embarrassing for him and I shouldn't compound his suffering by taking extra measures. I would not punish him if this was a genuine accident, for example if we were far away from a bathroom on a long drive or something, but I maintained that he was sitting next to the open bathroom all morning with the opportunity to empty his bladder and didn't take that, preferring instead to stare at his screen and waste the beautiful morning. I don't mind gaming in small doses, but I don't think it should regulate his life to such a degree that a kid almost in high school should be pissing himself because I made him wait 30 seconds for the bathroom. I want to give him back his console when he is able to show he has other hobbies (I don't care what they are, just one thing other than gaming) and is able to listen to his body and take breaks appropriately. I am more than happy to help him find other activities, and pay and drive him to classes/groups whatever. She thinks I'm being too harsh, and we should support him through a 'traumatic incident' instead of punishing him. To be clear, he does not have any additional needs such as ADHD which may have contributed to this situation. So, Reddit, AITA?