I'm F, 18 this year and I plan or at least wanting to get away from my parents, whether by going to any college that is far from my home or just... straight suicide. I feel so drained, with the results are coming up. I kept imagining myself jumping out from a car otw home and just hope I don't kill myself entirely but enough to make me stay in the ICU. the reason why I want to stay away is because my parents drive me crazy. they don't know shit and sure as hell ain't gonna start trying to.

like this other day when I was eating and my brother just got back from school. he didn't even gave a heads up and he just goes "mama, kawan kita ajak gi tengok wayang", mama was confused and asked him when then he said "harini ah petang nnti". of course I was as baffled as mom was but you know what the fuck she said? "ha yelah pergi lah." exfuckingcuse me? you just let him go just like that? where's the whole "kamu pergi dengan sape? balik pukul berapa? naik apa?" and on top of that she even allowed him to use his own money when he insisted. funny, cuz when I said the EXACT same thing she goes "alah tunggu lah mama gaji, simpan je dulu duit tu" um, fuck you?

I was speechless of course then my brother went to shower I asked my mom "apasal mama bagi dia klua mcm tu je" and she replied "sebab dia tu lelaki." again, fuck you. then I asked "dia pergi ngan sape je" she said "dia pergi ngan mak dia, so secure ah" hello? whenever I insisted on riding with my friend's parents or siblings, you straight up said no. so of course, I got heated then I asked "apasal pulak" she replied "sebab kamu tu PEREMPUAN, kene layan beza." um, no?

what makes me so fucking angry is that I have to waited for a WHOLE fucking WEEK to planned it all and asking permissions from her. I planned everything PERFECTLY and SPECIFICALLY. from A to Z. and I waited and waited and waited and fucking waited only for her to give me excuses after excuses. my brother just tells her on the spot and on a school week too? nah, fuck you.

it's not fair. it's not fair because she didn't ask him with her usual 1000 ass questions. and it's not fair because she treated me differently all because I have a vagina. but guess what? boys have holes too. 😱😱😱 shocker! boys can get raped too, boys can get kidnapped too. and even if he doesn't get raped, chances of him getting sold as a prostitute is still high. but none of that matter to her apparently because I'm a girl😌 and I should be on the look out the most.

truth be told, I have lied to them before but I have my reasons. they made it clear that they don't trust me, thus I don't trust them either. I have lied to them by telling them that I was planning on going out with my friend(whom they know of) but actually I was going on a date. why did I lie, because I knew damn well that if I even mentioned another gender besides females, they'd automatically say no. I knew them better more than they knew themselves. one is egotistical and one is a fucking idiot who can't communicate shit.

everything my mom said to me that day still hurts me and I even cried after that. so I'm just hoping to myself that I could get out of the house and stay as far away from them. I don't care. I'm sick of them. I hope she cries whenever she misses me or whatever. even if they're my parents, I want to leave. they've done their part as parents, it's about fucking time where I should do my own part in life. I don't want to get back to them until I seek the help that I need.

if you're a parent that has a mindset like this, change yourself before your child is gone forever. treat your children the same. boys, girls, they're all the same. lookout for them the same way.

I never smoke, vape, doing drugs or wear revealing clothes and I'm sure as hell know how to keep my legs closed. I'm more mature than any teenagers nowadays. I know how to be good but all of that meant nothing to my parents. I wish that my brother would commit something like smoking or doing drugs just so they could take their eyes away from me. not once have they thought that my brother could commit such a thing or that men would take him from them all because of their lack of lookouts.