Me: 23
Xavier: 22
Mike: 26-30?
Zach: 35
Groomer: 31

I have been friends with Xavier for nearly 2 years, and in that time he's given me a lot of great advice regarding my relationship issues, helped out with money, and overall just been a great friend. He really and truly has been one of the best people I've ever known, but as soon as he started dating his boyfriend Mike the energy changed a lot.

Recently, Xavier and Mike went to a convention. We haven't really been hanging out for about a month due to some personal issues, so I decided to hop into the group chat that we all share just to see what everyone was up to. Xavier posted an image with one of those handout convention stickers, the kind that a certain type of animal suit enjoyers might give out to each other, and when I saw the image I felt my heart drop. The person depicted in the sticker was someone that had groomed me when I was 14 until I was about 16. During that time, they took advantage of my own depression, and used their own depression and suicidal tendencies to hold them over my head. For a brief period of time we dated, but they broke up with me over guilt about my age, while continuing to string me along by telling me we would date "when I turned 18." Eventually, "turning 18" turned into "never" and they completely cut contact with me. I have never desired to cancel this person or cause issues for them, mainly due to the fact that a lot of the flirtatious stuff was coming from me, but they were still 8 years older than me and I personally consider myself to be 'groomed' by them. This person had also dated other minors, and even got a very close friend of mine I introduced them to while we were dating to flirt with them while they were 13.

When I saw the sticker, I panicked. The last thing I wanted for my friend was for them to befriend someone that would do something like that and not know it. Immediately I sent Xavier a private message trying to figure out if they would be in danger or not if I told them. Admittedly, this is where I fucked up a bit. Xavier replied to me aggressively, demanding to know why I cared and why I was trying to talk to them about someone they met. I explained that this person was "problematic" while asking if they were rooming with them and/or staying with them. They immediately responded that they were at a "room party" with this person, and their partner Mike as well as our mutual friend Zach both messaged me demanding to know what was going on. I felt myself begin to panic even more as they all messaged me aggressively, and my anxiety as well as my self-doubt were cranked to 11.

I deleted a few of the messages between me and Xavier, but he told me he was pissed and demanded to know what my problem was. I broke down and told them that the person who gave them a sticker and they were partying with had groomed me when I was younger and that I just wanted to warn them about his behavior around minors because I didn't want to see them get hurt. Xavier told me straight-out that he didn't believe me, and that I was just "causing problems" for them, as well as demanding to see evidence. In the past, my partner had acted negatively towards con-goers due to their own bad experiences, so I assumed that's what they thought I was doing. Their partner Mike messaged me, telling me that they had known the groomer for 7 years, and that they didn't know me at all and that my word "meant zero to them". I blocked Mike and messaged Xavier that I didn't want to speak with him because he was biased against me and outright refusing to hear a single point I made.

I sobbed, all night, but thankfully my other friends were able to give me some ideas, and my friend who had also been groomed was able to recover a few of the text logs from our messaging app. My one friend suggested I check my discord logs, and I was able to dig up some of our chats from the time period. Most of our conversation had been on another app that has since been deleted, and so sadly I was only able to really "prove" that they had done "I love you's" back and forth and consistently called me.

The next day, we got together to send them a document with nearly 40 screenshots of chat messages, as well as my other friend calling them to show them chat messages that they were too embarrassed to add to the document for us all to see. Xavier told me that he wouldn't apologize, he didn't believe me, and that unless I sent him an image of the other persons areas that he wouldn't believe me, even though I had face pictures and plenty of evidence that person had spent HUNDREDS of hours on voice calls as well as used two of their suicide attempts to bait me into spending more time focusing on them while I was underage and my dad was in the hospital with cancer. I tried to explain I was only looking out for my friend and that I had nothing to gain by lying, but he told me he "had a boyfriend for that" and that no matter what he couldn't believe me because my accusation was "life ruining". He also brought up two art commissions that he had paid for when I was in a really tight spot financially and told me that he wouldn't even consider apologizing "until he saw them".

I ended up breaking down, and sadly for the first time in years relapsed on self-harming. This whole time, my partner and a few of my friends have been supportive of me, as well as our mutual friend Zach messaging me and telling me that he didn't know what to think but wanted to stay friends. I can't help but feel like maybe if I hadn't reached out or tried to intervene in his convention fun that I could have avoided this whole situation and just stayed friends with him. AITA?