Hey all,

I (21f) am best friends with E (22f). We have been best friends for 5 years and I consider E to be my soulmate. Unfortunately, she moved to another state a few years ago so I frequently visit her whenever I can, vice versa. We talk every day. On March 27^th, E showed me her new housemate (20m) who we will call S. I thought S was really cute and it was obvious that E was showing me S with the intention of me taking an interest in him. E said I should come visit them soon to meet S, I recently came back from overseas so I hadn’t seen E in a while and thought it would be fun. On April the 20^th I arrive in the morning; E and I hang out. That evening at 7:30pmish, S comes home and all three of us sit round and chat. This is where it gets weird. S and I are obviously having a flirt and S asks me if I’ll give him head scratches. I say sure (I have gel nail extensions, and it feels fucking amazing to get head scratches). I’m close to him on the sofa giving him head scratches. Keep in mind this is a super queer household, everyone is LGBT+ and this is normal for the suburb and demographic of people. E then says she wants one too, and we end up in this three person cuddle pile with me in the middle getting spooned by E and S. I wasn’t uncomfortable but I definitely was confused.

At 3am E leaves, and me and the housemate are just cuddling on the sofa bed. I start to get these texts from E. She’s saying she’s uncomfortable with me and S being like this, that she doesn’t want us to kiss and she’ll be really mad if we do. If we have sex it will be VERY bad. She comes down and checks on us a few times as we’re in the living room. I’m kind of pissed because E knew I was interested in the housemate and had even suggested I date him. I felt super awkward and conflicted around S after these texts. S and I went upstairs (he invited me to his room) but E told me I had to speak to them (yes, its 5am at this point) so I went up and spoke to her. She continued the narrative of being angry if anything were to happen, but basically said if we kissed it wouldn’t be the end of the world. She explained she was worried it would be uncomfortable for her, not because she couldn’t trust me to make it not weird, but because she couldn’t trust HIM to make it not weird. I say this ultimately isn’t going to end up being weird as E is the one who is making me uncomfortable by acting as though me shagging her housemate is something harmful and wrong. I go back downstairs (5:30am) to find S is asleep, who can blame him. Whilst he invited me to his bed, I don’t feel comfortable getting into someone’s bed when they’re asleep. I send him a text saying we can cuddle tomorrow night and go to bed.

Fast forward the next day and S has gone to a football match. I get a random text from him at 8pm saying “new phone, who dis?”. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what the fuck is this guy talking about’, and show E. E and I start having a conversation about S and how he’s being silly and weird. Keep in mind I’m very autistic and cannot understand social cues and E has been a big support for me in helping me understand social dynamics. I should note that I probably go on a bit longer about E’s text than I should have as I’m a bit dramatic and love some boy goss. I joke about how we should confront S and ask him to explain his behaviour because he’s dumb and confusing, normal girl talk, I’m sure you all get the picture.

Later that night when I get home, S has returned from the football match, and I outright ask S if we can cuddle and give head scratches. He says hell yeah and we get in bed together. After about an hour and a half of talking, I kiss him, it’s great, he’s super lovely and I feel comfortable. He says he would try and sleep with me, but he’s been worried because I’m E’s best friend and it makes him feel weird too, as it’s obvious E has an issue with this. I say that I don’t think its E’s business, we proceed to make out more. I ask him why he sent me such a weird text, and it turns out S has had quite a rough time coming to terms with sex and his experience with it. He tells me that most of his sexual experiences have been whilst drunk as he lived in a college at university (basically an Australian frat house) and he was nervous as this has made him associate sex with quite a lot of negativities. I want to sleep with him but I tell him that I’ve been outright asked not to by E so I can’t, but that I’d be interested next time I come and visit as then the whole E involvement would have calmed down. S is wealthy and offers to pay for my flight to come visit again. There’s more kissing and touching, eventually I go back to my room, he leaves for his flight at 7am, all is well and good. We do not have full blown sex.

Approximately 11am, E wakes up and asks what happened. I say we kissed and explain that the reason S was so weird is because of his history and that I totally understand his situation now. The text he sent was him being a silly man who doesn’t know how to conduct himself around women. E is PISSED. She says I made it awkward and uncomfortable for her and that I either need to date him and then marry him, or never do anything with him again. She explains that she thinks I’ll only come to visit her to see S despite the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on flights for her and her only. I say that’s not in my character and that I think she’s being a bit illogical. She calls me a revisionist for claiming S was an asshole when he sent me the “new phone who dis” text and then being totally fine with him later that night. E is a trans woman and has only just begun her transition and started taking hormones etc. Lately we fight all the time, and I was told by a therapist that trans people can be very emotionally dysregulated during this period. I am very sympathetic to these circumstances, and I tell E that I think she is being illogical as she’s my literal soulmate and perhaps her emotional state is currently a bit heightened because she’s been enduring so much during these early stages of her transition. E bursts out crying, which I haven’t seen before, and storms off.

Anyway. That’s where I’m at now. I know that mentioning her transition sounds like it was in poor taste, but I was trying to highlight that she’s going through a lot, and I think that our arguments over stuff like this are heightened. My opinion is that E should not have a say in my sex life as it’s my body and we are two consenting adults. AITA?