Am I the asswhole for yelling at my fiance's brother? (also english is my second language sorry if some parts sound off also throwaway because i dont want any of our friends seeing this post) Me (28 male) and my amazing fiance (26 female) have been dating for three and a half years engaged for a year! ( and hopefully married soon!) but there's always been a tiny problem with her brother (38 male) her parents died when she was 7 and he was nineteen in a car crash. He pretty much took care of her since then because he didn't want her to end up in an orphanage or foster care (sorry if this isn't the right word for it ) , so he's been there for her for a while and they're super close because of everything that's happened. But he's also very overprotective of her which i 100% understand because of everything that happened he wants to make sure she's always ok but also she's literally the sweetest person i've ever met. I love her so much but she's a chronic people pleaser. She'll always help out whenever she can so he tends to make sure people aren't taking advantage of her or anything. I love her to death but I also end up saying she can't help everyone and to get her to stop working so hard ( shes trying really hard to be better at this though and shes gotten better shes stoped taking over others shifts when shes already exhausted and gotten better at saying no to people ) her brother doesn't really like me. I would say he tolerates me just because of how much she loves me. The problem is he can get really really overbearing. He’ll stop by our flat sometimes just to check and if he finds her doing the housework he’ll start questioning me on why i'm not ( we split the chores mostly evenly. I do the dishes and I clean around the house and she does the cooking and laundry. She's a chef and loves to make new recipes and im a bit biased but i do think she is one of the best cooks out there.) sometimes we’ll swap around chores if one of us isn't feeling up to it. Sorry for the long recap but i figured it would be important information for the story. So as i said her brother normally checks up on her and dose get kinda overbearing and very suspicious if he sees her doing household chores and he’ll start asking why im not dong it and why im just being lazy ( to be fair she has tried to tell him to stop it and she has explained over and over how we spilt the work evenly. Shes always defending me but as i said she's a people pleaser and doesn't ever go to far. Not that i blame her for it or anything i know shes trying to get him to stop and im happy shes telling him to stop even though he won't listen half the time) but anyways to the situation. So this morning me and her were up just doing some things before she had to head to work . she was making us breakfast and i was just checking up on some emails i got ( im a freelancer artist so i work from home alot ) and her brother came over she let him in and they were just chatting until she had to go to work and she came over to hug me and give me breakfast before going to get ready for work ( not important context but she makes the best omelets they're so fluffy ) and after she left her brother stuck around for a bit as i was working ( he was making little like insults about stuff but i mostly ignored it because it was just stupid nitpicks) but then he said ( im paraphrasing a bit) “you know you should really get off you ass and at least clean up. She goes to work all day and she works so hard while you sit here doing nothing.” i tried to explain as i have before how i'm a freelance illustrator and i am working but he just brushed it off and kept saying stuff like that so i snapped and said ( paraphrasing again) “maybe if you got a job instead of nitpicking and trying to tear me down you'd actually enjoy life and wouldn't spend it hovering over your sister even after she's said she's fine and doesn't need you to come by just to try and pick me apart. Even she says she dosnt want you here so take the hint and leave us the fuck alone. You say you care about her but if you did you'd let her live her life and stop trying to meddle in it when you're clearly not needed or wanted” he got mad and left while saying something about how she could end up with an asswhole like me, i think? I didn't hear him very well so it might have been different. I'm just wondering if i was to harsh because i know why hes to protective and im worried about how this will effect their relationship ( i don't think shell be mad at me for yelling at him or anything shes always said if he gets to be to much i can tell him to leave) but i may have been to harsh given their situation and how much they relied on each other after their parents passing. So i get why he's so overprotective.