Hey Reddit. I don’t usually go on here and I’ve created a throwaway account mostly for this post.

So. My husband (30M) and I (26F) have been married for three years and have a two year old daughter. Ever since she was born, I’ve sort of been the default parent. I do bedtime, doctor stuff, and other similar tasks. I also work from home, while my husband works full-time in an office. We’ve had a pretty great relationship together, albeit with a few bumps here and there that have been resolved.

Lately, he’s been coming home later and later, always with a reason (like getting stuck at work etc). When he actually is home, he spends most of his time on his phone or playing games. If our daughter wants his attention, he gives it to her, but always tells her to bother me after a while. He knows I already give her a lot of attention during the day (which I of course don’t mind, she’s my daughter).

The problem was brought up “for real” this past weekend. His mom was visiting, and she asked him to change our daughter’s diaper. He hesitated and then told her that he didn’t know how because he’d never really done it before. His mom got upset, and called me the next day. Basically, she blamed me for not having taught my husband enough about childcare. I sort of exploded on her since it was late and said that it was her fault for being a terrible mom and not teaching her son the basics of parenting. I admit that I sounded a bit harsh and used some foul language that I shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t believe that she thought it was my responsibility to teach my husband about how to raise a child. Our daughter is both our first, it’s not like either of us had a manual beforehand to share with the other.

She brought the call up to my husband and his brother, who are now upset with me for what I said. Last night, me and my husband argued about the call and what had led up to it. I told him that he’s acting like a guest in our own home, and that his mother’s accusation toward me was hurtful and not okay. He refuses to see my side and believes that I shouldn’t have yelled at his mom no matter what. I didn’t have a great relationship with her to begin with, while he and her have always been close, but this feels like a huge blow to our dynamic.

Our argument continued. I told him about why I was angry in the first place, because of how little he helps with the raising of our daughter. I said that it’s his daughter too, and he has no excuse for checking out of parenting. He got defensive (again) and said that he works hard to provide for our family, and that he doesn’t have the same time as I do. He said I was being unfair and making him feel like a bad parent when he’s just trying to do his part. He says that we both have our roles in parenting and that it worked really well for his family.

Now he’s sulking, barely talking to me, his family is taking his mom’s side, and I’m wondering if I was too harsh. I know it’s hard to judge based off of this, but I really tried to lay out my feelings. I did grow up with more young siblings than him (he’s the youngest out of him and his brother) and so I have had more experience than him, albeit not with my own children. He does work really hard and I know that I should do my best to be empathetic toward that. But I dunno. I’m so lost. AITA?