As the title implies, I might sound extremely spoiled, but I am battling feelings here and would like some outside input.

Some contexts…(sorry it’s a long one)

As a female in a very traditional Italian/Venezuelan (well-off) household living in the US, growing up was really tough. I didn’t have much say in anything, I ended up pursuing a career I didn’t want, to a college I didn’t want, and was made fun of for having any opinion. It got so bad that I ran away from home with my very first boyfriend at the age of 20. They obviously did not approve of this; they partially disowned me for a while, but they later accepted it. I had realized I just couldn’t live in that environment for my mental health. This is all behind me now, but I won't lie; it has shaped who I am as a person now. I am a very introverted, people-pleasing, and socially awkward person. Someone who hasn’t experienced this wouldn’t understand, but my personality made a 180 the moment I became independent, and my relationship with my family slightly improved. Basically… due to less exposure. Growing up, my dad promised to buy me a house the moment I got married, as it's an Italian tradition. When I got engaged, I was already moved out but renting in a small apartment and working two jobs, so I was looking forward to owning a house. My parents quickly started looking for homes and decided they instead wanted to build two brand new homes for me and my brother (my older brother wasn’t even engaged at the time but was conveniently included). I thought this was a cool idea, but I would have preferred just a home off the market, so I didn’t have to wait. Building a home from scratch typically takes 2-3 years, plus it was my parents who would be doing most of the project management. Eventually, I got married, which unfortunately didn’t work out, I ended up getting divorced. I momentarily moved back with them and quickly moved out to an apartment, working two jobs again until I got settled. During all of this, the houses were still in the works. Eventually, COVID hit, which delayed the house's progress drastically.

So far, these houses have been in the works for roughly 8 years now…

Currently, we’re about 4-5 months from finalizing the project. Two identical houses next to each other. My older brother’s is a bit more modern, same style as my parent's house, while mine is a bit more traditional. My parents’ pitch was that we would be able to design the houses (within a few parameters and budget, of course), and this was the main point of building them from scratch vs building a pre-built home.

This process has been incredibly painful. It’s almost like options are just an illusion. They sold me on the idea that I would be able to pick little things like countertops, cabinets, floors, etc., but they basically picked everything, and whenever I am asked for an opinion, it's always a curated selection they've already chosen and overall, a sort of an afterthought and last minute. Note that I work a full-time job, so unfortunately, it's tough to be involved, so I rely on my parents telling me when it's time to pick things, as I never know when the vendor conversations are happening.

Here is an example…

Backsplash grout for the kitchen was being installed within the next day. When my mother told me this, I was kind of shocked because I didn’t recall picking a color, so I asked. My mom asked the designer and picked white (without consulting me). For context, it’s a white brick backsplash with a rustic look, on white cabinets with white counter tops… so white would make it super modern and you’d lose all the rustic lines as it would all blend in. This really upset me because she had recently asked me for something else related to the backsplash and never thought of mentioning the grout. Mind you, I was traveling at the time and couldn’t really go to a Home Depot to pick something else, so I scrambled to decide within minutes. Since I found out at the last minute, it was a rush job to get it changed as the materials had already been purchased and the installer was literally going the next day. Ultimately, this was uncomfortable, frustrating, and SO avoidable had I just been asked from the beginning.

This is only one small example, but there have been countless instances where my input is basically an afterthought and last minute causing a lot of emergency changes and is causing friction between my mom and me. They are always small but have accumulated so much that it’s really getting to me.

And now we get to my AITA question…I’ve been thinking about telling them to sell the house once it's completed and buy me a normal standard pre-built home.

This whole situation is straining my relationship with them as it’s basically making me relive my childhood traumas. My now-fiancé says I am overreacting, and I can just change things once we’re moved in. However, it's not as easy as that; this house will come out to be very expensive, where the homeowners’ taxes are going to basically be a mortgage. I am not wealthy and live within my means, so there won’t be a lot of spending money available. I never asked for this; I just want a roof over my head to call my own. My parents have always dangled things over my head and called me ungrateful if I disagree or don’t like something. I understand I am very lucky to be in such a position, as not many people can say they’re getting a home for free. However, every single exchange stresses me so much to the point that my mental health is deteriorating again.

AITA for feeling this way/wanting to do this?