I [21F soon 22F] have been bondering and trying to figure out how to get my wishes across even during at the last few weeks of begging of reconcideration. I used to love celebrating my birthday and invite my friends and just have a good time, but all changed when my brother [23M in summer] has ruined my 3 birthdays and my last birthday was a mid at best. Anyways, little bit of backstory. My brother, let's call him Jered, has autism [specifically Aspergers] and has many other diagnosis including ADHD & Echolalia (dunno how thats typed i apologize) has made things difficult to enjoy. When I was celebrating my 18th birthday in a bar with my 2 older sisters and my Vocational school friend, I still live with my parents, but Jered moved to live on his own at age 20 after an incident. Anywho, on the 18th birthday I had to bring him with me per my parents request, even being PROMISED he'd behave. Well, he didn't. Once we got in he went to the bar table and asked the bartender for 2 shots [both for him] and a beer. I saw and walked over to him and said "Hey, you promised to behave, so please start with a beer before going with shots" he didn't like that, he glared at me and ignored my please.

After an hour to two hours goes by we're all getting wasted, except Jered who's already drunk out of his mind and being very loud. I looked at my sisters very uncomfortable knowing if he drinks more the ride home won't be too pleasent. Well, then he starts crying and being very dramatic about his past, mostly about the negative, how his school let him off because of his "behaviour" and anger issues. And also added few blames of it being my fault. I was embarresd and hated being there. And decided I wouldn't celebrate my 19th birthday with him, only with friends. Well, i was again pleaded to have him come with me to the bar. I tried to reject but my words weren't heard. This repeated on my 20th birthday aswell. Now that my 22nd birthday is coming up in fall, I don't want to celebrate my birthday. Yes he may have been nice and calm on my 21st birthday, but i'm still very scared of his behaviour and alcoholism that has been constant source of arguements whenever he visits my parents where I still live.

So AITA if I refuse to hold ANY kind of birthday celebration just to avoid having my brother eather drink and get aggressive or straight up having my day ruind?

[Before anyone asks; he refuses to take his medication for aspergers because he is an adolt and chooses so. This also includes his ADHD medication. I'm also new to this subreddit and only watched Yt videos/shorts of these things, never thinking i'd be making a post of my own]