I have this friend, who is a female doctor I used to work with. She joined the LDS church in college and married a Mormon man she claims is on the spectrum, together they have a 10 year old son who is also on the spectrum . They moved a few hours away before Covid. The boy still receives specialized care here in my city for autism and ARFID. (Took me years to convince her the kid should be evaluated for arfid and that it is very serious) so she and her son come to my city every 2.5 months or so.

She lives her day by a very planned out schedule for each minute. I am serious when I say she plans every minute of her day and has a rigid weekly plan including the minutes she has her private time with her husband.

She has had me on her scheduled time slot for a phone call at 6:30pm on Tuesdays while she drives home from her work for the last couple of years. This past year that has been a pain in my ass because 6:30 is generally the moment I arrive home after being at work for 12 hours. ( I have to work again the next day -6:30 am-6:30 pm and all I am interested in when I get home is eating my only meal of the day and preparing for bath and bed.) I would often put her call on speaker phone explaining each time that I just got home and sat down at the dinner table, and had not yet talked to my husband. She would say things like I am sorry to interrupt your dinner and time with hubby and then babble for 30 more minutes until she arrived home. On some occasions I would not answer her call but then she would call again in 5 mintutes -then 10 minutes and then maybe again at bed time(10pm) (or send a text).

Sometimes she even sends me texts after bed time (12:30 pm) on other nights of the week about things in the news. It is always shit I already know about because I read the news during my lunch break and after work in the tub each night. I know far more about current events and she often tells me this. She wakes me out of a sound sleep with these stupid text messages , and I can’t get back to sleep. It is rude, unnecessary, and annoying. It is not urgent and I never respond.

This week she called on Tuesday (before Easter) saying she is coming to town because her kid has appointment on Monday. She asked if hubby and I would be home.

(Let me back track by explaining last visit she made here in Feb). She was 20 min from my house when she called and asked to visit for 15 minutes so her kid could see my new puppy. I said I was just leaving to go to the grocery store to pick up dinner and snowstorm was supposed to start any moment with 10 inches of snow. She explained she was 10 minutes away and just wanted kid to see the dog for a few minutes and would leave after 15 minutes. She asked if she could meet me at grocery store while I shopped. I said no. (I don’t like shopping with people who are talking -I can’t focus on my task )

I told her to come over in 10 minutes and I will delay leaving for 30 min. They came. She proceeded to not leave no matter how many times I told her I must go to the grocery store. Three hours later I stood up and grabbed my coat and opened my door and said, I am leaving now as there are 6 inches of snow on the ground, as my hubby handed them their coats. This worked and they left. I am a senior citizen and I could not get my car up the hill to get to the store that night. I was livid. I never once looked at her face the entire visit because they were not welcome that day. I had other pressing priorities and needed to go to the store because my fridge was empty. My hubby and I had to eat toast for dinner. I was not a proper hostess the entire visit and I barely spoke to her the entire time. The entire visit my hubby and I were very chilly when she asked questions about our week.

Now she calls Tuesday before Easter saying she wants to visit on Easter Sunday . She states she wants to bring a cake she thinks I would enjoy. I say no thank you. Hubby has been very ill for a week and I cannot commit to a social visit at this time. He has not been well, he has been vomiting and weak for a week and he may have a return of his cancer. She then explains she would like to buy dinner for the 4 of us. But what she wants me to do is pick up 4 grocery store premade dinners earlier in the day, join us for the meal and she will pay me for them. (I know she wants to do this because Mormons are not permitted to make any store purchases on the Sundays, and she can avoid making the transaction on Easter). I again say No Hubby is not well and I am not making any social commitments at this time.

We text once during the week about current events. There is no more discussion of a visit.

Then on Easter Sunday she calls my phone at 7:24pm, 7:48 pm and 7:56 pm. After each call she rings my hubby’s phone next but leaves no voice main. After the first call she sends me a text “Hi, I am 20 minutes from your house and just wanted to be sure you are okay.” Hubby was in bed, not feeling well. I was in the bath tub. I did not answer anything. I had already communicated no to this encounter several times earlier in the week, and she is relentless when she wants what she wants.

In between the second and 3rd phone calls, Puppy ran to living room slider barking his head off and jumping on the glass in a very protective manner. (He does this when landscaping crew stands in my patio). I suspect they were on my patio looking in my living room through the sliding glass doors. As soon 3rd phone call to hubby ended, she rang buzzer at front door of my condo building. She waited 30-60 seconds for an answer and then rings it again. It is now after 8 pm and I have to work early the next morning.

I hop out of the tub soaking wet and throw a night gown on to go stop the buzzing that is upsetting dog and hubby. I go to front door of building where she is standing with her son. I explain I am not dressed properly, I have no undies on and am dripping wet because I was in tub. I say Hubby is sick in bed trying to rest. She says no worries, we don’t have to come in to visit, She just wanted to give me the cake she spoke about previously and it is in her car (she has no cake in hand)

I say that was very kind of you (it is a whole $25 dollar cake for me and hubby?) and You should’nt have. I repeat that was not expecting anyone and I am wet and have no panties or bra on and I need to get back in my condo before anyone else sees me. She says I will be right back and runs to her car as I let the glass door close while her son stands outside the door. She returns back to a now closed door with cake calling for me and I return back to door take to cake as she continues to stand there to talk again. I again say it was kind, I am wet with no panties and need to go inside my home. She had already handed me the cake and I close the door while she states “we don’t have to visit” through the glass.

I have always suspected she is on the spectrum as she misses all social clues with everyone and is not well received by others, but this is pure insanity and I felt very uncomfortable. She is relentless and obstinate trying to see me after I told her not to come to my home. She does not respect (or digest) the boundaries of others and cannot seem to relate to others point of view. I feel I should contact her about this event and explain in (message) writing (so she can ingest it several times until it sinks in) how inappropriate this situation was, how difficult it was for us, and how I will not continue to have my boundaries violated. I understand I have allowed her to violate boundaries for far too long while feeling sympathy for her probably being on the spectrum. But this Easter she crossed a major line in my sand and I felt like I was trapped in one of those freaky Lifetime movies.