Tbh I find the whole thing kind of stupid because we seem to be incapable of dealing with it as adults. But for some context, my friend, let’s call her Sam and I have known each other since we were 9 and have always been very close friends. She’s doing her Masters in London currently and I’m on a solo trip to London and France.

My original plan was to visit her in London (she had kindly offered to let me stay at her place) and then continue on to France alone. She realised last minute that she would be on study break the week I was in France and asked if she could join me. I was a little reluctant at first because this was supposed to be my first solo trip but I appreciated the company so I agreed. She was to follow me to a hostel and crash with me at the airbnb I had booked in the second town.

Here’s a breakdown of what happened the four days I was in London: Day 1 - Great. Excited to see each other after 2-3 months Day 2 - I met up with my cousin who was working in London and spent the day with her. Sam had a group assignment she had to complete by the following days so it worked out great. Day 3 - The day we had agreed to spend together. We went to a museum I was interested in, she came with me then said she would find a cafe to work on her project as she had been to the museum previously. Fine with me, I was grateful she made the effort to follow me out when she had stuff to do. After the museum, I met up with her at the cafe. We went to the next stop which was an afternoon tea session. It was there that she admitted that the project was already completed and she was just touching up and making sure it was okay. I asked her how long more she would need, she said till 9pm (the time of submission) That was 6 hours from now. I asked her if she could put it aside or let her team mates do the touch-up if it was that important. We were at a nice afternoon place and I would prefer it if we could chat. She said she wanted to work on it and took her laptop out at the table until the food arrived. I was a little annoyed at that point because I didn’t understand why she would rather work on a project that was already finished than hang out with me for the few days we were together in London. Also, by this point she had gotten temperamental and moody with me a couple times. (This wasn’t new to me as I first experienced this when I went on holiday with her last year. She never did this back home but I suppose she couldn’t help it when it was for extended periods. She did apologise after the previous trip, saying she should not have treated me like I was her boyfriend and showing me attitude when she was uncomfortable or unhappy about something etc.) So because I was annoyed I got a little temperamental and snappy too. It was a slightly tense journey back but we managed to brush it away upon reaching her place. Day 4 - We went to a community farm that was a ten minute walk from her place. She had been several times and was showing me around. She saw they were hosting a wire crafting workshop and was interested. I said I wasn’t interested but she should go for it. She asked the host how often he was here and he said every Saturday. She still had two months left in London so I suggested she go another Saturday instead since it would take one hour or more and we were almost done with the farm and had more destinations that day. It was also very near her house so she could go any time. She said she was busy on Saturdays and liked to do things spontaneously instead of planning time to do them. I said I would prefer if we could see the rest of the farm together instead of me having to wander around for an hour or so by myself. She reluctantly agreed. We were moody for a bit but managed to have a somewhat heartfelt discussion about what had happened the past few days. She admitted that she didn’t know why she was temperamental sometimes and that her other friend who had been hanging out with her while in London had also commented on it. I said I didn’t mean to get snappy back st her too but that I’m not great at communicating my feelings effectively, and often explode when my anger reaches the boiling point. Things were still slightly tense but we agreed to split up so I could go to the museum I wanted to go that she had already seen and she could go to another museum she wanted to go to. We left the museums at the same time and agreed we would meet back at a certain point. I took a five minute detour into a shop to look for socks because I needed some. I didn’t text her because I figured she would text when she reached and I wasn’t too far behind. She wasn’t happy about me being five minutes late. I explained I needed socks and happened to pass a shop, but I didn’t text apologise for not informing her. We went back to pack our stuff as we were taking the train to France that evening. We agreed to leave at 1730hrs as the train was at 1930 and public transport was about 45mins-1hr. At 1730 she went to take a shower even though we had both checked in with each other an hour ago and agreed that we were both not showering. She didn’t say anything to me either. When she came out at 1745, I asked her why she went to shower when we were already late and she had previously said she wasn’t going to. She said it was because I hadn’t packed my clothes that were drying (They were still wet so I wanted to give them more air time) so she assumed I would be late. And she wanted to take something from the cupboard and the clothes were blocking her way. I said you could have just asked. She said she had dropped hints by asking if I was going to move the clothes soon (to which I had replied I was trying to wait till last minute to let them dry. She claimed not to have heard that. I was kind of angry at her passive aggressive behaviour at this point. It also seemed like she was doing all this to get back at me for being five mins late earlier. I asked her if she would be ready soon, she said she was ready now but continued to do her stuff for a few more minutes. I said we were going to be late. She said I could just go first since I had to buy food and she didn’t. I said what was the point when we were going on the same train anyway?? I said I would wait outside and when she still didn’t show after a few minutes I texted her that I would make my own way there and left.

We next saw each other again on the train and she started acting like everything was fine. That was worse to me because things clearly were not fine and her acting like nothing happened made it seem like she didn’t value our friendship. We had brushed aside the tension too many times. This was the first time we had properly argued, I felt that it warranted some discussion if we were going to continue being friends.

She tried to ask if I wanted to talk after we had settled down at the hostel but said it was fine because honestly I was still trying to decide if the friendship was worth salvaging. Her passive aggressive behaviour throughout irks me and I’m more direct and open. I prefer to air out differences instead of saying it’s fine and then making petty remarks or doing petty things to take out my unhappiness.

Another thing is that she’s been saying she doesn’t want to do the stuff I’m planning to do which is fine with me because we have different preferences. But she also said she was going to bring her laptop to study at cafes and shop. I have no idea why she would want to join me on my solo trip and pay so much money for train tickets just to sit at a cafe and not explore the place??? Also, she had previously said she would for an escape room experience with me. A minimum of two people is needed. She changed her mind the a few days ago and said she didn’t feel like doing it. I can’t tell if she’s taking it out on me for something I did or if she’s genuinely not interested. But I don’t know because she seems incapable of being direct???

Anyway, I feel it may be best if we just go our separate ways for the remainder of the trip since we don’t have anything we want to do together anyway. It was supposed to be a solo trip anyway, I just have to readjust my mindset. I don’t mind if she continues on the the airbnb with me next considering i’m sort of repaying her for letting me stay with her in London and she already has her tickets to that city booked. But right now I’m not sure what to do about it all because I’m not in the right headspace to talk to her yet especially when she’s acting like everything is fine.

Sorry for the long rant, but some advice would be great I guess. I’m definitely the AH in some places because I could have been better at communicating or controlling my temper but I would like some clarity on the situation if possible!